very confused, wwyd? going back to work with horrible spd & also breastfeeding

[AisieSusie]

sorry I did try and make it short but its difficult as am working through all the worries i have and not sure whats relevant and whats not...

I am returning to work in october when my DS will be 7 months old, and am worried as have spd badly still, and will still be breastfeeding, and don't have ultra flexible childcare.

I am very very scared about going back, as they were just horrible when I was pregnant, and skirted the line of the law in the way they treated me. [Lots of examples but don't want to make this a long post, the only thing thats relevant is that I still made them lots of money, and worked 60 hr weeks whilst having horrible SPD and still do, so big mobility problems and find sitting at desks excruciating]

The company does something which does involve a huge amount of international travel, although some people do more UK based stuff, there is no role where there is no travel, although its not specifically in my job description.

There is some flexibility over travel, as it depends on the specific project you are on, and some ability to give the travel to more junior team members, before my maternity leave I did manage my work to give me as little travel as possible, without ever making it an official request.

The company does work on a rather 'organic' basis, and much happens 'under the radar'. When people do make things official it seems to be begrudged and held against people, and make it less likely that they'll be flexible about anything else. Coming back I think I will be under scrutiny and need to 'prove myself' all over again... I know its not fair but its just the way the company works, and i really need the job.

So really I'd like to know how to play it with regards to going back to work. They never really accepted that SPD was a problem prior to stopping work at thirty nine weeks, and I am scared they will send me abroad lots - kind of as a 'test' of loyalty. They did do this to a girl who just got back from maternity leave last month - they sent her to latin america in her second week back for 10 days! and she's been travelling like crazy ever since [she's leaving]

So how do I handle going back? Do I contact them before and try & negotiate a 'kinder start'? Or shall I leave it til I get back and try and manage it myself? or do get all official with sick notes [i mean something from the gp explaining about spd, rather than an actual sign off sick note]? Am so worried that if I handle it wrong I'll end up under more scrutiny and with no good will towards me.

and do you know if I will be able to take any sick days off for spd [if it gets very bad], or does this somehow count as maternity related and no paid sick days? I know I had to disguise it alot at the end of pregnancy to avoid triggering early maternity leave...

and what about breast feeding? I'd be ok going away for a night to europe every few weeks, as would 'pump & dump', and if travelling in uk then absolutely fine as would take baby with me, but what about long haul/ longer trips away, am i being unreasonable to say i can't really do that yet? or am I unreasonable as baby will be more than 6 months?

[thisisyesterday]

i think i'd be looking for a new job!!!

[loopyloops]

Personally, there is no way I would entertain going away for work without my daughter (14 months, still BF). However, I don't have a clue where you stand legally. I think you need to work out exactly what you will put up with before you reach a decision about how to approach it with the company.
It sounds like a very tricky situation, good luck. :)

[PYT]

It sounds like a very stressful situation (and job!) for a new mother. Even if your employers were understanding types, your job description sounds tough (the travel etc).

I would call them and ask if you can negotiate flexible working hours and a UK-based job, at least for a period. If they won't agree to that, I would start looking for another job. Seriously, it sounds like it will be incredibly stressful for you.

[PYT]

Talk to your HR department in confidence first, maybe? Ring up the CAB, too, and find out what your legal position is.

[TiraMissYou]

There are a couple of approaches to try. Employers are obliged to carryout a risk assessment of nursing mothers, taking into account your needs whilst continuing breastfeeding.

However, you don't sound confident they will oblige, so I'd suggest you discuss your health and return to work concerns with your GP. The new Fit Note (that replaces the Sick Note) allows physicians to tick a box that states Fit to work if the following adjustments are made .... and GP can then state what adjustments would suit you, e.g. temporarily unsuited to long travel.

Find out if your company has an Occupational Health dept, a decent one should be able to guide you.

Hope this helps

[AisieSusie]

wow replies already - thank you.

thisisyesterday, yes, that had occurred to me yes! unfortunately the whole of my industry is a bit like this, and although I might be able to find a nicer employer, its so risky, and am scared that I'd then be unprotected by most employment laws for the first 12 months, and can't afford to have any break in income.

loopyloops its good to know i am not being really precious, its hard to keep a clear perspective on things. i was talking to a colleague today [who rather inspired the post], who said [about the girl already back from maternity leave] "i dont get her, she shouldnt be demanding any favours, she's always saying no to things, or saying she can't get childcare or something. its our job, if you can't do it, you should't have the job, having children is no excuse"... arrgh! cue my panic!

PYT is cab the right place to find out my rights then?

I am wary of talking to our HR, she doesnt have much/ any sway within the company, and is also terribly unprofessional - she gossips about everything said in confidence, and has no sense of appropriateness.

For example she badgered a coworker to tell her what was the matter when i was admitted to hospital bleeding in 3rd trimester, [i hadnt said exactly what was the matter as wanted it to be kept quiet], & then she came up to me in an open plan office & discussed it with me loudly 'so you were bleeding then, was it alot, it depends what colour the blood was down there etc!' got very offended when i objected!

The more I post the more I realise I am terrified of going back! This job can't be forever, I should look for another as soon as i financially can.
I just want to get as good a working life as I can whilst there, without becoming public enemy number one...

[AisieSusie]

tiraMissYou I didn't know about the risk assessment, I wonder if they'd do that. Humm. Does it have any age of baby as part of it? am worried there is some kind of cut off after 6 months.

Fit Note - thats the name of it! yes, thats a good idea, I will talk to my GP...

what do people in general do about returning to work? do you go in and see them before your first day back? or email/ discuss things prior to returning? or will they be expecting me to turn up and sort all this out on first day back?


thanks for much for your help everyone.

[TiraMissYou]

You need to inform your employer in writing before you return to work of your intention to continue breast feeding, this then triggers the action on the employer to conduct a risk assessment.

As far as I understand, the term new mother usually covers the first year of the childs life.

You can find out more from the Health and Safety Executive website, put in New & Expectant Mothers in the topic search.

Sorry haven't figured out how to do links yet, I'm new to MN, these are my first posts!

Good luck

[AisieSusie]

thanks! will have a good rootle around the net tomorrow...

[loopyloops]

I've had a look and as far as I can gather there is no cut-off date for when employers have to give BF mothers a risk assessment, flexible working hours and a clean ans private place with time to express.

[GrendelsMum]

I have to say that it sounds like a terrible place to work! If they've somehow conned you into believing that this is normal working practice, it is not.

[AisieSusie]

isn't it normal working practice? I guess it depends what sector you work in, I work in marketing/media agency type of job, and I think a lot of them are very glossy on the surface, but pretty awful underneath.

For example the offices are very swanky, we get free toast & cereal in the morning, massages on fridays, and an 'away day' holiday each year abroad... however I often work 60-80 hrs a week, weekends, evenings, work always comes first, have to be totally flexible at traveling at a moments notice, and its very much based on favoritism, and undercurrents of unease and very poor communication.

I know people who have left and said that other jobs are less emotionally draining and don't have a constant sense of 'who likes me, how am I perceived, do I really know whats going on?'... but am a bit worried that i might jump from the frying pan into the fire if I left...

anyway, thanks everyone for your advice, I will try and put together an email to send telling them I'll be breast feeding... no idea how to broach the 'fit note' thing though, I think they'll not take it very well...

[rookiemater]

Do you have to go back at 7 months? It's past the time where they officially need to keep your specific job available(6 months) but much less than the maximum (12 months)?

What can it hurt to get your CV ready and see what else is available, if you are planning to go back f/t then having a baby shouldn't be a disadvantage if you decide to apply for other jobs.

You know they aren't going to cut you any favours because you are bf and suffering from SPD and you know they are going to push you hard from the minute you get back.

Other options, are there any other roles in the company that aren't so all demanding ?

Your company sounds very much geared up to young singles rather than working parents and maybe that is just the way that marketing/media is run. You need to think if that is what you still want to be doing longer term and if not then now, whilst you still have the energy before going back to work, is the time to polish up your CV and have a think about things.

Good luck.

[littlebylittle]

Hi there, I can't help on most of the issues you raise but can share my experience of going back to work at eight months and bf. I used to drop my daughter at seven forty five and pick up half four ish apart from staff meeting night when it was half five. I would express in a cupboard at luch time and keep milk in fridge then it went straight in freezer at house my daughter was looked after at (nanny share). She actually did't take the expressed milk much. HV said she would adjust amounts at other feeds and she did (night feed came back for a while. I did find it demanding but felt I was doing something. However, this was for a short period (7 weeks) and not travelling.

Whatever age your child, I think it's hard going back from maternity leave - you've had an extraordinary shift in priorities and values and the rest of your colleagues have either stayed still or moved in a different direction. That was what I found hardest actually not the child care, expressing etc.
So I had to toughen up at a time when I still cried at news articles about poorly kittens! But asking for what you're entitled to isn't a crime and you may find allies in the strangest people.

Hope that helps in some way.