My amazing 93 year young Dad (technically grandad, but the only Dad I've ever had) has come through so much. Heart attack, triple heart bypass, bowel resection for a tumour, emergency surgery when it went wrong and his intestines literally landed in his lap, two strokes. Despite all that, until early February he's been entirely independent apart from needing his meds putting out due to poor eyesight. Early February he had delirium, hallucinations, really distressed and admitted to hospital. Came out three weeks later unable to walk, doubly incontinent, unable to hold a coherent conversation. After four days of hell found him in the middle of the night on the bedroom floor hallucinating again. Went back in. Came home Thursday all went well until Friday teatime when he started getting agitated again. He went to bed at 6 (his choice) and has needed attention at least every 20 minutes since, including picking off the floor once and stopping from falling a second time. Ambulance are now taking him back to hospital. I feel so guilty. Most recent CT scan showed moderately severe ischaemic small vessel changes in his brain. I was so desperately hoping it was delirium because of infection but the longer it goes the less likely that is. And now am faced with him needing at least a period of time in a care home to give him chance to fully recover and for them to do ongoing overnight assessments to make sure he's safe to try at home again. We've tried and failed three times now. My son will be heartbroken - his grandad lives with us, they're a double act. I feel so selfish. I should be able to cope. My rational brain tells me I'm a mum to an 8 year old, work a full time nursing job (fortunately I work from home), I'm doing a part time post graduate course retraining in another field, a part time PhD and approx 15 hours a week on a skills project in the new field as well as having 3 gorgeous horses (not that I get much time with them to do anything other than the labour). I don't recognise myself any more. I barely sleep at night, nod off if I sit in front of the TV during the day. My weight is at a point where if I don't do something soon I'll be in an early grave. My skin is grey and my eyes are black. My temper is short (although DS gets away with it lol). I should be able to look after Dad like he looked after me. But I can't. I want to. I desperately want to. I want to walk away. I want to be 20 again, sleeping in the back of my truck with my best friend, drinking beer and whisky in the middle of a field round a fire, talking about nonsense. Going to horse shows, sleeping in the wagon at the rodeo and waking up soaked through because the condensation was so bad, or sleeping with two pairs of tights, a pair of leggings, a pair of jods, a pair of jeans and a pair of chaps because it was so cold. I feel so selfish, I've let him down so badly and I don't know how I'll ever feel differently about that.
Elderly parents
Oh OP 
You haven’t let him down, you know you haven’t.
At the age of 93, it only needed a UTI to upset the apple cart, much less everything else he’s been through. If you’d scanned his brain ten years ago, the ischaemic changes would probably have been there then, but the amount he and you have kept him active have meant they weren’t an issue for him as his brain was kept active and able to re-route around the bits that didn’t work as well as they used to. With all the insults he’s had, he’s now used up his neurological ‘credit’, but he would never have had all that if it wasn’t for you and your DS keeping him young.
Put him in a home with a good and clear conscience. As I always say to my patients and families, this will enable you to be his daughter, not his carer. You can focus on quality time left with him, not get yourself ground down by the day to day drudgery of care which will only lead you to resenting him and wearing yourself out more.
Easier said than done, I know
You’ve done your very best but you can’t look after someone once they become a danger to themselves.
He’s had a good life so far. He’s in his 90s. It’s time for you to have a good life too.
Get the best home you can and do your checks to make sure it’s ok in there and the staff are nice and don’t feel guilty.
Would he, if he was himself 40 years ago and you asked him then, want you to give up your life to care for him once he’s had his life?
No he wouldn’t.
He’d say you go and enjoy yourself don’t worry about me.
So do that. Get him the best you can and do him proud by enjoying your life. Your rodeo days are not over yet if you don’t want them to be. But sleeping under a flatbed in minus degree temperatures may be a thing of the past lol! 
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