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Elderly parents

Mum is alone and depressed

8 replies

Dilraj68 · 15/02/2021 07:48

As the title says, mum is fed up with living alone but won't move in with me (no space) and won't go and live with my brother in Hampshire as she cannot bear his wife.

I need advice as to housing cos I'm new to this. I'm renting privately, divorced and live with my 4 children. I also work as a TA and am assisted by Universal Credit.

Am I in a position to search for a bigger house so that my mum can live with me? I'm not her registered carer as my two brothers have no interest. I'd have to apply to do this but not sure what the rules and criterion is.

She's approaching her 77th birthday, has worked all her life since coming to the UK in 1966 and now retired for a few years. In 2019 she had a fall and while at hospital being treated, doctors discovered a tumour at the base of her spine (she'd been battling spinal TB back in the 70's and was cured of it) and she thinks it could have reappeared. Doctors are hopeless even more now as there are restricted appointments at the GPS and hospital. Her pain is being managed by painkillers.

This pain is making her depressed and really wants to move out as her home isn't comfortable (her own property).

What can I do re the housing situation? Not sure what other information I'll need to put here in order here to make myself understood. Happy to provide more info.

Thank you for reading.

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FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 07:53

The house is hers right? Could she sell it and help you buy somewhere bigger? Possibly shared ownership council place?

I assume you can't go and live with her due to the children right?

She won't be entitled to any housing while she owns her own property.

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FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 07:54

I meant to say that I assume you can't go to live with her due to no room for you and your kids.

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IggyAce · 15/02/2021 07:55

for you. Does your mum currently live near you? Have you considered sheltered accommodation? When my GM house got too much for her she sold it and moved into sheltered accommodation it was basically a flat in a small complex that had a warden. She was free to come & go as she pleased but there was a communal area where they held bingo & coffee mornings.

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Snog · 15/02/2021 07:56

Sheltered accommodation seems like a good option.

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ApolloandDaphne · 15/02/2021 07:59

Does your DM rent her house or own it? There is nothing to stop you looking for a bigger place to rent together. If she has her own house she can sell it and use some of the money to pay the rent with you? It certainly sounds like she would be better with you than being miserable on her own.

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Dilraj68 · 15/02/2021 08:01

Thanks for the replies.

My ex mother in law lives in sheltered housing. I have repeatedly suggested this as she'd be comfortable and there'd be a warden who could keep an eye on her. But she refuses. She is extremely independent, even now and doesn't want to live in SH. I think now, given her situation, this is the best way forward and yes, selling her place makes sense. How would she need to apply for SH?

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FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 12:55

She'd need to contact the housing department of her local council...they may have some...but then there are also Housing Associations which are sort of like council houses...the housing dept will know if there are any locally and you can apply for both.

You can usually apply for sheltered housing even if you own a house but you do have to sell it and you have to show that your own house is too much for you to manage.

But if she's digging her heels in then you might find it hard to make her.