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Elderly parents

Advice needed for my 92 year old mother in law

9 replies

nitgel · 26/02/2020 20:48

We are very worried for her and would appreciate any advice.

She is 92 and though has not been formally diagnosed with dementia has severe memory problems and since having a few falls the needed hospitalisation had an episode at Christmas where she suddenly could not walk so was hospitalised again for 6 weeks.

She previously had a carer four times a day but we have stepped this up to full time as she cannot be left alone. She just gets up and starts walking with her frame aimlessly then tries to find the chair again to sit but needs guiding to do this.

We have a bed in the lounge now with sides so she cannot get out, but she has a catheter still in (which is being assessed next week).

We really do not know what to do next, I suppose she would need a care home? but it seems awful after everything being set up at home for her. She seems healthy enough apart from her walking and memory, she is like a child really.

I suppose I am just asking if anyone has been through any thing similar? She lives alone but about half a hour from us. We couldn't care for her full time as both work and need to work. She is self-funding as she has savings and owns her own house.

I have contacted care homes but they seem to not want someone with dementia. Also they want proof that she can pay for up to 4 years, surely owning her own house would cover this?

Am just very confused what is best for her. I would like her to remain at home but her carers keep saying she needs a home. I think the change would be horrible for her. There's no support or no-one to advise us. Her dr seems to think we could step down the care from full time to four times a day which to me would just be asking for her to have a fall again. :( the dr has not even seen her. Any advice would be good, Thank you.

OP posts:
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Namethecat · 26/02/2020 20:53

Op there is an elderly parents section on here and I'm sure you will have wonderful advice from people who have been through similar . I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

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nitgel · 26/02/2020 20:59

Thanks I'll see if it can be moved

OP posts:
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cabbageking · 26/02/2020 21:05

Ask for a SS assessment of needs. What do the carers report about her and the level of support? Can she remain at home with increased care?

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nitgel · 26/02/2020 21:16

The carers give us conflicting information one says she needs full time care in a home and the head of the service said we would be able to reduce the amount back to four times a day. She did gave a social care asessment a while back but we will contact them again.

OP posts:
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JoMumsnet · 27/02/2020 11:17

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Elderly Parents topic at the OP's request.

Sending good wishes, nitgel. Flowers

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colinsleftnipple · 27/02/2020 15:48

Social services can assess her needs if you want but as you are self-funders you could be waiting a while (some areas have massive waiting lists) when you could do this yourselves. They have a duty to assess if you ask but some LA hear the words self-funder and put you at the bottom of the queue.

Most areas will have a private company that will search for the right home for you free and take a finders fee from the home. We did this with my gran.

In our this is the provider. Google for the one that covers where you live. Ask for a dementia bed from the start.

mycareselection.co.uk/

I'd listen to the carers if I were you. They are the ones there seeing what is going on. They won't be saying it for effect.

You'll be able to visit once they find somewhere and see how you like it. The home will assess her needs and price the place accordingly.

You can also ask LA for deferred payment agreement while you sell the home if it looks like the cash is running low.

Good luck.

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Porcupineinwaiting · 27/02/2020 17:17

You could try her at home with 24 hour care. If she can afford it.

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HappyHammy · 27/02/2020 18:29

She needs another care needs assessment and maybe a capacity assessment to see how much she understands about any risk she is at. Does she have a call alarm system, falls mat and a fall detector, riser recliner chair, commode etc. If she has capacity to make her own decisions does she want to stay at home or live somewhere safe. Having rails up on a bed to stop someone getting up can cause problems and needs a proper assessment before they can be used really. Is she at risk of harm in the kitchen and leaving the house. Are you claiming attendance and carers allowance and does anyone have power of attorney. Uts a terrible illness but I think it would be a good idea to ask the gp for a diagnosis. Age UK offer very good advice.

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MereDintofPandiculation · 28/02/2020 09:57

I've replied to your other thread

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