Depressed dad with chronic pain seemingly given up on life

[Layladylay234]

I'm worried about my dad. He's in his early 70s and has had a few accidents over the years that have led him to live with chronic pain. This has been particularly bad over the past month and although he's not on increased pain medication, it doesn't seem to be making a difference and his mood is worryingly low.

He lives with my mum who still works. She wrote him out a check list of when to take his pills and got him a pill box. She goes to work, comes home and he's not taken them. He's also only eating when she is around to nag him and with him being diabetic, this is obviously a problem. He's cancelling appointments at the doctors because he can't get out of bed with the pain and he's refusing home visits. I think she's at the end of her tether and although wants to help, can't see what else she can do. When she told me how bad it was today, we both agreed it was like he's given up and is waiting to die.

He relies massively on my mum and doesn't have any friends or other family nearby. Myself and my siblings have had a difficult relationship with him and I think we'd all feel uncomfortable talking to him about it as he prob wouldn't listen. He's very much of the generation of I'm the parent, you're the child. Although he admitted to mum about a month ago that he was depressed, she's unsure about whether he'd talk to a professional about it or even take medication for that.

I've suggested if she thinks he won't listen to her, then to write him a letter about how worried she is. I was also thinking of buying St John's Wort and sending them over.

Can anyone else help or suggest anything?

[drankthekoolaid]

He needs to see his GP - I don't think St Johns Wort will cut it.

If he's missing medication he's self neglecting and putting himself at risk.

[Layladylay234]

I agree he needs to see someone, but as I said, he's very reluctant to and even to talk about it

[drankthekoolaid]

He might listen to a third party. My mum refused to talk about a health issue with me but when one of her friends had a word she was straight down the GP.

My sister and I also did an intervention type thing with her and basically told it straight - that she was being selfish by not getting the help as the burden was falling on us.

Unfortunately whilst your dad has mental capacity he's within his rights to refuse help and make his own bad decisions.