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Elderly parents

Mum in France saying she feels suicidal

5 replies

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 28/09/2019 19:50

My mum moved to France 11 years ago. She's now 75. At first she loved it but recently not so much.

Over the last year her social life has dwindled and she never really sees anyone any more. She says she's lonely but never makes any effort to meet up with people.

She came to stay with me over the summer and it was...difficult. She told me her mental health is very poor and if it wasn't for the boys (my DCs she'd kill herself). I managed to get her to go to a GP while she was here but they were next to useless.

To make matters worse her dog had to be put to sleep last week so she went home without him. I did say she could stay with me longer if she didn't want to go home but she insisted she was ready to go home.

She usually rings me every day but I haven't heard from her since she went back apart from one e-mail saying she was too upset to talk.

I've spoken to my brother tonight and she's been messaging him saying she's full of despair and it's only the thought of how it would affect the boys that's stopping her kill herself.

I don't know what to do. I do feel incredibly frustrated because she won't do anything to help herself. I have MH issues so I do understand how hard it is when you're depressed but I also know that nobody else can make it better, she has to help herself too.

She's spent all her adult life getting into scrapes and my brother and I have rescued her and I just don't think I can do it any more.

I think she wants to come back to the UK and is hoping either my brother or I sort out somewhere for her to live. She won't do anything to help. And she's terrible with money so my brother will end up bankrolling her (I'm a permanently skint single mother on a near minimum wage part time job).

Sorry, I'm rambling but I just feel at my wits end here. I can't just pack up and go to France to check she's ok. I don't know what to do.

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jennymanara · 28/09/2019 19:56

It sounds like there is nothing you can do except try to ring her.

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coatlessinspokane · 28/09/2019 20:00

Oh OP that sounds an awful situation for both of you.

I feel terrible for your mum because it must be very difficult to live in a foreign country and be lonely.

On the other hand. You can only do what you can do. When someone is depressed they have a lot of power in saying no to everything you suggest. So make sure that she knows you’re there for her,, that you love her and check up on her regularly but do these things as a matter of course and try not to let your own mental health suffer.

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headinhands · 28/09/2019 20:04

There are ex pats groups many countries to support people still in UK with elderly family out in a different (their) country when something goes wrong like this and you really need someone from that region to talk to in English about how to sort this sort of thing out. Not sure of name or if there even is one in that area but worth a google!

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SlightlyWizened · 28/09/2019 20:08

Is it possible that at 75 she may actually need the help and support to make the move home?
Does she own her home in France so that it could be used to finance a move? Or would you have to finance it all?
Could your local housing authority help maybe with sheltered housing?

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MyGhastIsFlabbered · 28/09/2019 20:35

My brother is on the phone to her. She does own her house in France but the french property market is stagnant...her neighbours house has been on the market for 3 years. The added complication is that her house was a fixer upper. She got someone in to do the work and he did half of it then fucked off...and now she can't find anyone to finish it off.

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