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(7 Posts)
FellaGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 18:17:05

I feel mean posting this and am prepared to be told IABU ... even though I'm not posting on there!

DM has dementia. Shitty, advanced dignity robbing dementia. She has finally moved into a NH after being in hospital for 4mths, she has deteriorated to a point where she is doubly incontinent, doesn't recognise people consistently and needs spoon feeding - it's horrible. I am an only child and visit her 3-4 times a week along with her sister, my DH and a friend of hers. Now she has moved into the home a couple of relatives have said 'ooh we'll come and visit', these are relatives that haven't seen her for at least a year and certainly not since the dementia enveloped her.

AIBU to say I don't want them to go? She won't recognise them and I don't want people ringing each other picking over her current state. I wouldn't want anyone to see me (other than those that have been with me for the long haul) in that way and she won't benefit for their visits.

Any thoughts?

wigglypiggly Thu 18-Apr-19 18:40:59

Sorry about your mum. Its such a terrible disease. Those relatives probably wont visit but if they do unleas you have power or attorney theres notmuxh you can do. Do they know what home when is in. If they ring you could you just.say shes not really up to having visitors. What sort of relatives are they.

FellaGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 20:01:33

Thanks @wigglypiggly

They're perfectly nice, mum was married to their dad but she hasn't seen them really for years. They weren't close.

wigglypiggly Thu 18-Apr-19 20:31:53

Are they her step children, isn't it difficult, maybe they were just saying it. Are you in contact with them at all on good terms.

RaininSummer Thu 18-Apr-19 20:45:17

I totally understand why you wouldn't want them seeing her in that sad condition. Could you tactfully say that she really wouldn't know them and is likely to get upset. Perhaps they would like to send her some sweets or flowers as a kind thought instead.

FellaGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 21:08:36

I'll just play it by ear I think, maybe the visits won't materialise. I'll cross the bridge when I come to it.

Thanks for your replies

FellaGoneRogue Thu 18-Apr-19 21:09:17

And yes, step children

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