Long story - mil 89 has boyfriend/carer 80 who spends most of his time with her but has his own house.
Red flags - she net him 3-4 years ago and has moved away from her family to be near him.
- he talks over her all the time making it difficult for us to speak to her when we visit
- he presents to everyone as her ‘carer’ including when she has been admitted to hospital over the last few months and gets put down on record as her next of kin. We have informed the dr and local hospital that he is not her nok but last week she was admitted again and his name was there again.
- he has said that he has promised to stay with her and never leave her. Her health has deteriorated a lot in the last few years and we do wonder what is in it for him. He has been married twice before - first wife had learning difficulties and epilepsy and died falling out of an upstairs window. Second wife had numerous health problems and he nursed her to the end with copd.
- he jokes that he teases her regularly.
- she now has serious copd, incontinence and can hardly walk. She has a throat stent fitted as she had a perforated osophagus last nov and nearly died, which is why she was back in hospital last week.
- when we saw her last week we noticed how cheerful she was, full of talk like she used to be, and not falling asleep all the time. I joked at the time that perhaps it was because she was away from boyfriend who wasn't talking her ear off - now i wonder if there was something in this?
- been spooked by phone call today from member of age uk who was involved in escorting her home from hospital. He wanted to check with family that we were aware of ‘carer’ who seemed to be more than that and because mil was reluctant to allow him into flat with her. He works with elderly all the time and says they are normally delighted for him to take them into their homes and make sure they are comfortable. This is why he rang me.
Im going to stop now as it is so long! Is anyone else seeing red flags?