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My Dad

(12 Posts)
Bluesheep8 Tue 12-Mar-19 09:38:30

Has Parkinson's disease and is almost completely immobile. He has also quite recently and very rapidly developed Parkinson's delirium. He was admitted to hospital and tested and treated for a chest infection and is now in respite care for 2 weeks. Social services will be assessing him during this time to establish how best to support both him and my step mum, who has been his sole carer. At the moment, he is very confused and distressed and is repeatedly calling my name. He is also calling my step mum my name, not hers. Yesterday he sat with tears running down his lovely face and kept asking me to please help him and saying he wants to go home. I'm just after a bit of advice really...I don't know what to say to him because I don't know if the assessment will mean that he CAN go home and I love and respect him too much to placate him with false promises that I may not be able to keep. My poor step mum initially accepted that Dad may need to be in full time care, but she is now (understandably) having a wobble and has talked about asking for 'One more chance' to try to care for Dad at home, albeit with a high level of daily support. They are both in their 70s and step mum is struggling to cope with Dads needs, both physically and emotionally. Does anyone who has been in this situation have any advice? Tia

Grace212 Wed 13-Mar-19 11:44:29

giving this a bump

if no one sees it, maybe post on the general "elderly parents" thread as there's lots of good advice there flowers

Bluesheep8 Thu 14-Mar-19 07:19:31

Thank you for reading and replying. I thought this was the elderly parents thread?

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 14-Mar-19 07:28:01

thanks have these OP and a very in-MN hug. It's fucking tough when they get like this isn't it.

Can I ask if he's been checked for a UTI? My sharp as a knife DF went a bit loopy for a while and it was caused by an undiagnosed UTI. Apparently it's quite common phenomenon in elderly men.

AnagramBixter Thu 14-Mar-19 07:34:12

I think stepmom would find it very difficult to care for your dad at home.

It would be a full time job, and he will only get worse.

You have my sympathy, I lost my parent to Parkinson's.

MereDintofPandiculation Thu 14-Mar-19 10:20:52

I thought this was the elderly parents thread? Yes this is the elderly parents board. But there's a thread/topic on this board with the words "bright, shiny" in the title which is a general free-flowing chat with quite a lot of regular and very helpful posters, and people checking in daily.

MereDintofPandiculation Thu 14-Mar-19 10:21:40

This one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/elderly_parents/3465663-The-new-shiny-2019-thread-for-anyone-caring-for-elderly-parents

Bluesheep8 Sat 16-Mar-19 07:52:30

Ah thank you everyone and for the directions to the other thread. As for uti, he was checked in hospital and not found to have one but when I saw him yesterday he was definitely drinking less. Also said 3 times that he needed to be taken to the toilet for a wee but didn't go when he got there. I'm going to ask that he is seen by a Dr and checked again. He is just so very tired and dozes off all the time, he asked to be taken to his room and put to bed at 3:30 yesterday. I spoon fed him his lunch yesterday, fighting back tears. But there were some lovely moments when he gave me one of his beaming smiles and said "night night [nickname from childhood which hasn't been used for years] I love you"

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 16-Mar-19 07:53:53

Yes, definitely ask for him to be checked again thanks

HJWT Sat 16-Mar-19 08:11:49

@Bluesheep8 thanks for you op! I used to work on a elderly ward before I had DD and I looked after a man for quite some weeks with Parkinson's, he couldn't speak and was immobile without 2 carers to help him, but he was such a lovely man even without speaking. His wife was also such a kind hearted lady and I would always sit and chat with her at visiting times. She was in the same situation of having to put her DH into a home as it was effecting her mental health and he was becoming ill quite often! All I can say is listen to SS take there advice and just be there for your DF and SM as much as you can but remember to look after your self to! This is not an easy time for you and as heartbreaking as it is it will only get harder so make sure you take time for yourself xxx

MrsMozartMkII Sat 16-Mar-19 08:23:26

I'm so sorry he, and by extension you, are going through this.

The only thing I could suggest is that his calcium levels are checked as an inbalance can cause a number of issues.

My Pa wasn't too lucid towards the end, but that was more a sort of hallucination or parallel universe situation, which seemed best managed by just going with it and not correcting him. We'd have some lucid moments, which were lovely and I hold onto those.

Sending you strength.

Bluesheep8 Sat 16-Mar-19 12:03:22

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and for your kind words and helpful advice

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