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AIBU to be berated by family for not leaving precise holiday details?

(5 Posts)
deedeegee Sat 09-Feb-19 18:51:36

Went on holiday to Costa Rica- my retirement /birthday pressie to self, and told family I'd be away for 2.5 weeks. It was actually 20 days, but DB lives 400 miles away and comes to stay with DF and partner each month and DF gets 16 hours care out of the house each week- he has Alzheimer's but is high function...
My DD aged 22 saw them 6 days after I'd left and told them about my return date, her father, my ex was staying in my house nearby looking after cat and had full details. I was in regular contact with DD, DB and Aunt and any of them could have asked fro details.
On my return I find I am being told off by my aunt as anything could have happened whilst I was away....and now by my DF's partner... argh!!

Redshoeblueshoe Sat 09-Feb-19 18:55:23

They are BU. If anything had happened there would be nothing you could have done any way.

RaffertyFair Sat 09-Feb-19 18:56:56

Did you tell anyone your exact plans?
I can't think why you'd say 2.5 weeks when it was actually a day short of 3 weeks.

If they were in contact it is a vit unreasonable to 'berate' you but I do think you were unreasonable to be so odd about details of your travel

Lollypop701 Sat 09-Feb-19 19:01:39

You are not the only person who can look after them ffs! Your life is not looking after your parents. I’m not saying you shouldn’t support your family, just that you are entitled to your own life too. Half of this is due to you being the daughter! I hope you had a fabulous time and definitely book somewhere else soon!

RaffertyFair Sat 09-Feb-19 19:12:08

You are not the only person who can look after them

I agree fully with that. But I'm still confused.

In my family (myself and 2 brothers with elderly parents) we make sure that we each know when someone is away. Date leaving date returning.

We have discussed things between us so have a general agreement about how much or how little the one on holiday wants be updated. Etc.

We're quite clear who is the 'go to' family member at any given time. And if you are on holiday- you are on holiday!!

I would find it really odd if one of my db's said they'd be home on Tuesday next week but were in fact not planning on being back till Friday.

Just sounds like there are wider issues at play around communication and expectations.

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