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Pure Cremation - thinking about this option in the future

(13 Posts)
Kohliewobbles Wed 06-Feb-19 13:53:46

I have a very elderly parent, who is unlikely to be with us for very long. He has always hated funerals and has never talked about his own funeral or his preferences for what he would want to happen when he dies. He is now not able to communicate what he would like to happen.

Does anyone have any experience of Pure Cremation? My siblings and I are considering using his company when he dies and having him cremated without a ceremony. Then having a memorial meal at home after a month inviting all our relatives with the opportunity for people to speak about him, have photos etc. We have several close members of the family who don't go to funerals ever, but who would come to something like this, so it seems a good option for our family. Does this sound ok? My father doesn't have any living siblings or friends left.

Fairylea Wed 06-Feb-19 13:56:06

I don’t have personal experience of this company but if you ring any crematoriums local to you they will offer a very basic cremation / no service package which will probably be much cheaper than going through a national company.

PurpleWithRed Wed 06-Feb-19 13:57:54

I have a friend who’s mum asked for this - a simple no-ceremony cremation with no guests and completely separate memorial party on a different day. It worked really well for them.

Fortysix Wed 06-Feb-19 14:59:53

My DM was temporarily sectioned in a mental health unit of the same hospital where my DF died. She also had a broken wrist. We opted for the most basic of funerals, and in fact i was not there, I was on a plane. However, three weeks later we had a party for both DM & DF in the meeting room of the mhu. The staff laid on coffees and teas in fine china while my sister and I brought home baked meringues - my DF's favourite. We got a big canvas photo of my DF and DM together and sat it on a small easel in the middle of the big table. We got 3 sets of 48 photos printed to pass round guests and my DS did a very funny quiz printed on paper with 20 multiple choice questions about my DF. Each question relating to a legendary DF remark or gaffe or fixation. It was very thoughtfully and tastefully done, celebrating my DF's quirks. We invited neighbours and my parents' Alzheimer carers and a few friends and our families (although my DB turned up alone without the other five in his family and didn't tell us). My DM loved it She recognised loads of people and was smiling and happy. In fact just what DF would have wanted.

Fortysix Wed 06-Feb-19 15:07:29

And I forgot the guest of honour - we also brought DF's ashes along too, with tinsel hanging from the big whisky style carton grin

katseyes7 Wed 06-Feb-19 15:45:46

l've been thinking about Pure Cremation. l live over 100 miles from my only family member and l wouldn't like her to have to trawl all that way. l've got their information pack but l haven't done anything about it yet.

AmIAHorribleDaughter Wed 06-Feb-19 17:01:15

I have another thread going on here about my mum's funeral when it happens but it might help you to know what we did for my dad.

I'm not sure what a Pure funeral is, but I think it's what we did ourselves for my dad a few months ago.

My dad was very clear what he wanted; straight from the undertakers to the crem, no service (he was an atheist), no one there except family, and no flowers, hymns or eulogy.

You can do your own 'Pure' cremation. We didn't go as DIY as we'd have liked, for practical reasons. Our preference would have been to have not used funeral directors at all, provided our own coffin and transported dad ourselves. We looked at coffins online to buy- wicker and eco-friendly ones- but the crux was the hospital did not have space to leave him there till the funeral so we had to have him taken to the funeral director.

We had over 2 weeks after dad died to wait for the cremation.
In that time, he was taken to a chapel of rest at the local undertakers.
We phoned around and chose one that was cheap but also recommended by local friends.

We made it very clear what we wanted.

We had a very basic coffin and stipulated no handles (though they got that wrong on the day.)

Dad was taken from the FD to the crem- they had phoned and got us the earliest date.

There was one car- the herse.
The rest of us- only 6- went in our own cars.

At the crem, there was music Mum had chosen when we arrived. We told the FD what it was and they told the crem.

We went into the room and listened to the music- took around 5 minutes- while the coffin was carried in and left on the stand.
There was no service, no readings, nothing.

After a few moments, the curtains closed and we came away.

We went back to my Mum's house, had tea and sandwiches for lunch, then the rest of the family had to travel 300 miles back home for work the next day.

That was it.

AmIAHorribleDaughter Wed 06-Feb-19 17:08:45

I think I should add that my dear dad was a bit of a one-off.

He wanted no fuss at all.

He banned us from announcing his death in the local paper until after the cremation.

My mum had to fend off some long-term friends who were insisting they came, and tell them sorry, that's not what he wanted.

The announcement in their local paper simply said a private family cremation had already taken place, about a week afterwards. Since then, my mum has had visits from friends and long lost relatives, over the months, and she felt this was far more manageable than dealing with people on the day.

AmIAHorribleDaughter Wed 06-Feb-19 18:00:55

Just to add..

You understand that when using Pure, the person is taken to a crematorium of Pure's choice? (Assume you do.) You can attend but it's another £200 and they limit it to 12 people.

The cremations are all at 9am (I know this is the cheap slot because our FD offered us that, but it was far too early and we'd have hit rush hour traffic getting there.)

My dad's cremation cost around £2500.
This included chapel of rest for 2 weeks, one hearse, crem fees (around £650), doctor's cert ( around £60) and the cheapest coffin plus the 'organising/ professional fees' of the funeral company which were the biggest component of all ( covers their staff and two home visits before the day itself.)

Kohliewobbles Wed 06-Feb-19 18:10:49

Thank you all for replying. I'm glad nobody has said they think it's a terrible idea.

WanderingAimlessly Wed 06-Feb-19 18:20:28

Yes. We used them for Dad. They collected him and took him to a crematorium if their choice -about 100 miles away. They kept mum informed and she knew where and when he was done. Mum decided on no coffin etc, just the very basics as he wasn’t a fussy man and hated funerals. They then returned him to mum in a nice cardboard box. We then did our own thing with him as a family. Practically Pure Cremation were very efficient and helpful. The only thing Mum didn’t like was the woman who answered the phone was a bit over the top. I can’t remember how exactly. The guys who collected the body and returned the ashes were lovely.

BlueJag Wed 06-Feb-19 18:27:15

That's such a great idea. When I die I would prefer for people to celebrate my life and not mourn my death.
Beautiful idea and would bring the family together.

Bringbackthestripes Wed 06-Feb-19 18:29:14

I was just reading about this type of cremation only yesterday.
It’s called direct cremation and lots of local funeral directors do it and would probably be cheaper than a national company (transport costs etc) but I think it’s sounds a lovely simple thing to do.

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