False memories

[BlueBell50]

Has anyone any experience and how to cope?

At the beginning of the year there were a couple of occasions when my mum went somewhere new (both houses) she was convinced she had been there before, I was fairly certain she hadn’t but couldn’t be sure so just said that I hadn’t been so perhaps she had visited with someone else.
Since then these occurrences have increased and now it is everywhere she goes she says she has been there quite recently and is very convincing to the outsider but they just aren’t true - funerals, two lots of flu jabs, birthday meals. Most of the time I can understand where the memories have come from but others make no sense at all.

I don’t argue with her , sometimes I say that I don’t remember her going to x or didn’t we go to y that day instead. It’s just so difficult. I don’t believe she has dementia, she’s just old. Any coping mechanisms would be much appreciated.

[Sparky888]

My Gran said things like this for a while, I didn’t disagree with her. She had dementia eventually. I don’t know if that’s linked or not, sorry x

[Fortysix]

I think you grieve a little bit every time this happens. It's very hard to accept at first that a parent is failing on the memory front. The temptation is to argue but its best to either go along with it or change the subject. Over a period of time you might see a few more signs that contribute to a pattern of decline but this needn't necessarily happen fast. For now try to enjoy the instances when she is in the moment and accurate.

[Jocasta2018]

Ah the joys of confabulation!

Your mother will believe completely that what she's telling you is true. She's not maliciously lying, it's just the deterioration in her brain. Just go along with it.

I have the most bizarre and convoluted conversations with my mother (in an Alzheimer's care home) - family long dead still alive, the family ice cream van business (god only knows where that came from) and tales of deception and intrigue involving the other care home residents.... we chat away for hours, the topics getting more and more amazing but Mum is a great conversationalist even when we discussing utter codswallop.

By the end of my visit I sometimes have doubts about reality myself - I take a thermos of tea and sit in the car for 15-20mins, just relaxing in peace and quiet to get my head straight before the drive home.
The carers say Mum really enjoys when I visit - our conversations invigorate her (whereas they exhaust me).

The important thing is to remember that she's not lying. For her it's her truth now and I am very careful not to challenge her on it - it causes massive amounts of upset and isn't worth it. So what if I was good friends with a great-grandfather who died 30years before I was even born. If Mum enjoys the chat about his recent escapades then it's worth it.

Obviously my experience above is easy in that I know my mother is safe and secure in a decent care home. At the very beginning of the disease, when she was still at home and before I moved in with her, it was difficult to know fact from fiction which was very worrying. But you can get used to the conversations - Mum only had a few topics that she'd talk about so I kind of developed a feel for what had really happened.

Apologies for the length of the post, hope it's helped.

[30birthdayholiday]

I wonder if your Mum perhaps feels anxious about going to new places, so tells herself and others that she has been there before, in an attempt to make herself calmer about the new place?

[Rodders92]

It also depends whether the false memories/confabulation are benign or cause a lot of distress to family around . My dad has dementia and most of his false memories cause him a lot of agitation and involve him accusing other people of spreading rumours about him and stealing his money and possessions. Again his beliefs are very real to him and a nightmare for everyone around him