Planning for the future

[shoelaces]

DM lives be herself in a bungalow around 4 hrs drive from me. I'm an only child. I need to be here for work, school etc.

DM is very happy and settled where she lives. She's 69 and has some medical issues but nothing that keeps her from doing her weekly line dancing!

I've suggested she put her name down on our local authority housing list now. And not to wait until she has to move. Realistically, I could take 10+ years to be offered a suitable housing associated flat or bungalow and there is no harm in putting her name down.

I suggested she could live closer to me so that I can offer more support. Rent out her bungalow and get enough income to pay her own rent here and have a little extra income on top of her pension.

She doesn't want to even consider it and thinks it's a stupid idea. So we argued and I said she would end up in a care home and loose all of her house value in the process. I won't be able to offer any support and she'd be in a home sooner and for longer if she stays put.

I feel bad about the argument, but am I being unreasonable? It's not like I'm asking her to sign her house over to me and dodge care home fees. I just want her in a position to move closer to me so that I can support her. What do you think? Any other solutions?

[HoleyCoMoley]

Will she qualify for housing association accommodation, if she owns her own bungalow and intends to rent it out then maybe she may not qualify. What does she want to do, if she's happy where she is and needs care in the future maybe she could have carers coming in, who knows what help she may or may not need. Why do you think she'll need to go into a carehome.

[shoelaces]

Good point, I haven't checked the qualifying criteria.

Re carers - her only income is state pension and she has less than £100 in savings. She's still paying a mortgage and has 6 yrs left in it. She doesn't have any medical need for a carer right now.

She is type 2 diabetic and has been for 15 yrs. she has made no lifestyle changes and I fear this is where her health will start to deteriorate. She is active right now but that could change very quickly if she develops diabetic related issues with her feet or legs. She also has arthritis and is deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other.

Am I worrying needlessly?

[HoleyCoMoley]

She has assets in her bungalow, my dm is twenty years older than yours and has same medical issues and terrible arthritis, but still lives independently in a house. I don't know if you get h.a. accommodation if you own a property but you can check. Even if she does need help in the future she may well be able to stay at home and have a needs assessment, apply for any benefits that might help like attendance allowance. I don't think you need to be thinking about carehomes just yet. Have you been in touch with a diabetic association to see if she qualifies for any support.

[Knittedfairies]

I’m only a few years younger than your mum at 64, but if my daughter suggested to me what you’ve said to your mum, you’re damned right there’d be an argument!

[shoelaces]

If checked the qualifying criteria and she would be awarded priority band 4 out of 5, and would move up to band 3 if seeking sheltered accommodation. It's then down to bidding on properties and that is awarded on a points basis. DM would get an additional point for every year on the waiting list.

I totally agree, she is nowhere near needing to move or have support just yet. I'm trying to help her plan for the future. And as there is no cost to going on the list, I don't get why she wouldn't want as many options open to her as possible.

She won't take support for her diabetes. She is delusional and doesn't think she has a bad diet or that what she eats can realistically result in leg and foot amputations within the next 10 years.

I work with older people and see this on a day to day basis, which is why I probably am worrying to much for right now. I just want to support her.

[ThinkingCat]

You can't get local authority housing if you own a property. There isn't enough local authority housing for people who need it.

If in the future she has to go into a care home, her bungalow could be rented out and the rent used to pay the fees.

If she wanted to move, she could buy somewhere nearer than you. But she doesn't want to move!

[thesandwich]

I understand why you are thinking of this- and why she has reacted!
Do you have things like power of attourney in place? That is one of the best things you can do.

[ThinkingCat]

*nearer you

[shoelaces]

No power of attorney.

She has often talked about moving closer to me, but can't actually afford to. Her bank would not let her port the remaining mortgage value to a new property due to her age and the equity isn't enough for something closer that is as nice as her current property. She would need to seriously downsize and the live in the rough part of town. She's not up for that and I don't blame her.

She has poor MH and is often lonely. She clings on to people she meets when walking her dogs. She isolated herself through dogs, refusing to go places or do things because they can't be left alone for more than 30 mins.

The conversation about moving closer to me comes up every 6 months or so. I don't know how else she'd be able to move closer.

I'm disabled myself and so can't travel very often, and have my own care needs. I can offered very limited support. She literally has no one but me.

I suppose I should just leave it alone for now and see how she gets in over the next couple of years.

[HoleyCoMoley]

Maybe in a few years time she could sell up and buy a sheltered flat near to you if that's what she wants but social care is changing all the time so who knows what will happen in another ten years time. Social housing is usually for people on low incomes not for people who own their own property, that wouldn't be fair at all.

[thesandwich]

Would very strongly suggest POa . Stays in a drawer until it’s needed. She is making her choices- it’s all you can do.