Hello all
DH and I are in a bit of a quandary and I was hoping for some views from folk more experienced in caring for people with dementia than we are.
Quick background: MIL has dementia. She has lived in a lovely two bedroom flat in London for 40 yrs and can function pretty well. She has a lodger who helps out a bit making sure she has food etc and she couldn't live entirely on her own as she needs to be reminded about Drs appts and things like that.
DH visits every week or so and she is usually settled and cheerful. She also comes to see us and our DC every now and again.
She knows her way around the area and knows her flat inside out so feels very secure there. She knows all the local shops and cafes and some of the shopkeepers and cafe owners know her.
Friends drop in quite regularly and she goes to a church just across the road where there is a friendly congregation and she seems to really enjoy this.
DH's siblings visit once a month or so but don't live in London - although it's not a huge trip for either of them to see her.
As well as her lodger, friends and DH, she has a carer who comes in once a week - MIL really likes this woman and was very involved in choosing her.
We have recently had her assessed for additional NHS support and it looks like she will be eligible for some help getting to some support groups near her and some help with transport to and from the GP, dentist etc.
So here's the issue. DH's brother wants to move MIL firstly to live with DH's sister while MIL's flat is sold, and then to a three bed house nearer BIL. He believes it would be better for MIL to live somewhere where she could see more of BIL, SIL and their kids.
DH and I think MIL is better off in familiar surroundings for as long as possible. As and when MIL declines, we think we should get a live in carer until MIL needs to be in a care home - if we get that far.
What BIL is proposing involves two moves and will take MIL away from the people and places she has known for 40 yrs. BIL seems to think that being closer to him will outweigh this. He also doesn't really have a plan for her ongoing care. Presumably we will have to pay for a live in carer there as well only MIL will be living somewhere she doesn't know.
MIL has also consistently said she doesn't want to move as she feels safe and at home in her flat.
I am a bit out of my depth here as I genuinely don't know if being closer to some of her children and grandchildren is better than staying in her own flat. I know what I feel is right but I don't know enough about dementia to be sure. I am happy to be told I'm wrong btw!
Any and all advice gratefully received and thanks for reading my long post!
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Elderly parents
Advice about caring for MIL and family disagreements
49 replies
GinIsMySaviour · 12/03/2018 20:50
OP posts:
WorriedAndTired ·
12/03/2018 21:07
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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