Concern for Elderly parent

[topbiker]

Hello mumsnet
Would it be possible if I might ask for community insight with an on-going family situation that I have endured for >25 years now, which has due to recurrent health issues with my mother become untenable.
Regrettably since my father became aware of my initial situation, gay male in long standing relationship and in the way he found out – via the mail on Sunday 25 years ago, both my husband and I have not been permitted to set foot on the property attributed to the family home. No amount of requests to talk from me or from other family members to try to reach some kind of accord have realised anything.

Recently for the second time my mother has been taken seriously ill and was rushed into Royal Hospital under Blues and Two’s. He will not in any way communicate with me. I had to find out mother was ill by 3rd parties. Yesterday, after a week in Hospital, she was discharged home under strict orders for light duties, with a suggested care package.
I have enduring power of attorney from my mother and my mother has made a will. She is unaware if my father has made any provision.

I have concerns for my mothers on-going health and mental wellbeing and as she is now 82 I need to be able to visit her and ensure that what needs to be done at the family home is done. For that I need to be able to access the property.

My father maintains that he will not allow my partner or me over the threshold. I would like to ask for suggestions on how to handle this situation as it is now beyond me.
:-(
Thanks in advance

[Orchardgreen]

I didn't want to not reply, but it certainly is a tricky situation. Do you have any siblings who could see what your mother needs? Are you able to speak to your mother on the phone?
You could register the enduring POA, but if your mother still has capacity I think she will need to agree.
If you think she is vunerable, could you make Social Services aware?
I'm not sure what else to suggest.

Wishing you luck and endless patience!

[retirednow]

Does your mum want you to be involved in her mental and health care, if she does then an enduring poa does not cover this, you will need her to make a lasting poa for health and welfare which only comes into force when she loses the capacity to make her own decisions.

[topbiker]

Hello - thanx for the mail.
No siblings - else this wouldnt be so much of a concern. I am abke to speak on the phone but really only when she is out or he is out. With this illness that is less frequent hence the rise in concern

[retirednow]

I think you need to ask your mum what she would like you to do, if she wants your help then maybe involve her dr, social services or a local advocacy service if she agrees to that.