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Wants to stay at home but refusing carers.

(20 Posts)
AlexaAmbidextra Thu 11-Jan-18 01:11:05

Dad, 93 has lung cancer. Not in pain but very weak and unable to do much. Absolutely resistant to having carers in. I'm his sole carer but working four days a week which means he sits in his armchair all day all alone. I've spoken about having someone come in midday to make him some lunch etc. but he just won't have it. Would I be wrong to just go ahead and organise it, as much for my own peace of mind?

Ollivander84 Thu 11-Jan-18 01:20:51

Have you any idea why he is refusing? (I work as a carer)
We often do calls to pop in and make lunch/tea and a brew and have a chat etc

AlexaAmbidextra Thu 11-Jan-18 01:27:18

Well, according to him, he doesn't need it and can do it himself. However, he can't.

diddl Thu 11-Jan-18 17:50:22

Would he even let them in if you organised it?

Pickledonion24 Thu 11-Jan-18 17:53:49

My nan was the same we had a family friends and cleaners that where like family already we upped their hours and they spent more time with my nan who she didn’t see as carers

WeAllHaveWings Thu 11-Jan-18 19:02:24

Would he accept them if they were called a cleaner/house help rather than a carer?

With dh’s gran we told her she either had a carer or went into a home. Her choice. She picked a carer and once she got used to it and got to know her she enjoyed her visits.

AlexaAmbidextra Thu 11-Jan-18 19:48:03

Well, now another problem. He has at last agreed but now I'm trying to find someone. Have tried two local companies so far, neither of whom have anyone available. Just about to hit the wine

thesandwich Thu 11-Jan-18 20:24:32

would It be worth contacting Macmillan or your local social services for suggestions? Or even your gp? Well done for convincing him. Good luck and here’s some morewine

Greenteandchives Thu 11-Jan-18 20:29:17

Have you tried the Age UK website for agencies? Or contact your local SS. Best of luck OP.

AlexaAmbidextra Thu 11-Jan-18 23:51:49

Thank you all who have responded, and for the wine grin

applesareredandgreen Fri 12-Jan-18 22:19:22

Your local social services should be able to give you a list of care agencies in your local area. You may also find that companies have more availability at certain times if the day, for example we had someone to go in late morning which would work if you are looking for company and someone to leave him a sandwich for lunch. They are mostly busy early mornings and the traditional lunch and tea time periods.

You've got over the biggest hurdle but it can take time finding a suitable carer as well. It took me a few weeks to get my parents daily care in place, but given that I'd been suggesting this for 18 months before, the victory was in getting them to agree they needed it.

WeAllHaveWings Sat 13-Jan-18 10:00:52

Have you contacted social services? If you do to tell them he’s old and frail they will come out and find out what you need and how to go about getting it. They might think of things you haven’t considered. We are doing this with mum just now to get handrails, emergency alarm, etc and they have been really helpful.

AlexaAmbidextra Tue 16-Jan-18 00:00:52

Well I found a company that could help. Not sure what I was expecting but their hourly rate for social care is £23 per hour. That feels expensive to me. Is it?

hatty44 Tue 16-Jan-18 00:04:16

We are in a similar position re care for our elderly Dad and have been quoted £25 an hour (SE) so I think that’s the going rate. Bet the actual carers don’t get much of that though....

Needmoresleep Tue 16-Jan-18 12:46:56

Are you really wanting hour long calls each time. I used to organise longer calls one day a week for linen change, laundry and a proper shower, but 30 minutes other times. SS calls are often 15 minute flying visits.

I now employ a carer directly so she gets more and I pay less. But it was a lot of initial paperwork.

thesandwich Tue 16-Jan-18 13:24:27

We have 45 min calls for dm except mornings which are an hour.. rate is what we have. Sometimes varies if it is personal care as well. Are they rated well by cqc? I have been really impressed with ours- home instead which run franchises across the country. Does he have attendance allowance which would help cover costs?

AlexaAmbidextra Tue 16-Jan-18 19:17:27

Sandwich. Home Instead is who I've been talking to and I felt they were good. He's just been awarded the higher rare attendance allowance so I may well go with HI. I just had absolutely no idea of the costs until now.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 16-Jan-18 19:19:25

My parents were the same. They got someone from their church to come in and clean (she did it for a lot of the elderly people in the parish) and were persuaded she needed the money, they needed the care, and so they agreed "on a temporary basis." They bloody loved it once she was coming regularly!

ElphabaTheGreen Tue 16-Jan-18 19:30:36

Has he had an assessment from a social worker, OP, who could help sort this out for you? Depending on the stage of his cancer, he may even come under CHC funding, meaning part or all of his care could be paid for by the NHS.

thesandwich Tue 16-Jan-18 20:27:31

Try it- I have been really impressed- they turned up in the snow, have always been well briefed, no one comes unless they have been introduced before, and there are spot checks on carers too. I realise every franchise will vary but their processes seem very good and friends in other areas have reported the same. Do be clear about what exactly you would like them to do. They are all v willing.

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