Constant talking and fussing. Strategies please

[whycantiloginonmyotheraccount]

MIL is staying with us, and will be for at least the next couple of weeks.

The constant talking and repeating stories is really getting to me, she hasn't got dementia but has days where she is confused and paranoid


For the first few times of her stories I chatted back and showed a genuine interest, I've tried wearing earphones but she gets cross when I don't respond, playing her favourite music works for a few minutes but then she starts again. If I leave the room she shouts after me, needing to know where I am.
I need to get up and walk around or else I'll seize up and when I do she gives a big sigh and asks what I'm doing now. Every single time.

I don't work due to a disability and chronic pain and H works full time. I agreed to her coming here when she was discharged from hospital while home care is set up but I'm struggling to cope.

Today she has talked pretty much non-stop for 9 hours.

[Mosaic123]

Gosh that sounds exceptionally difficult.

How long will it be before the homecare is arranged? Can you call to get it speeded up now that Xmas is over?

Has she been assessed by a GP recently ? Perhaps medication could help with the paranoia and bad days?

It does sound a little like dementia and there are different types that manifest themselves in different ways.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Oh god the constant talking. My DM does that. It isn't a conversation though. Oh no. Monologue. For me I don't care if I am rude and she gets cross. My sanity matters.

[whycantiloginonmyotheraccount]

We live 3 hrs away from her home and H has a couple of weeks off mid January so meetings with homecare companies have been arranged for then.

We asked the dr in hospital about dementia and she said it wasn't, she had a brain scan and the results were normal for her age. Her short term memory is excellent.

She does have diagnosed medical issues, one of them can cause confusion, which is why she couldn't go home alone.

My plan for today is to get us both up, her breakfast and meds then a looooong hot bath for me.

[dorislessingscat]

Does she watch tv? Do jigsaws? Do you have a dog she could chat to?

[dorislessingscat]

Also, could Age UK help?

[canary1]

Dementia can be present even with a brain scan within normal limits for her age. Confusion and paranoia are not normal features. She really needs assessment for this. It may be delirium due to her recent illness, or it may be dementia. But she needs assessment- you would go to the GP in the first instance, who should refer her to older people's mental health team if there is any doubt about what is going on. But something is going on, for sure. Best of luck

[Caulk]

Can you go out somewhere together to break up the being inside today all day?

[BillywilliamV]

You really are doing a good thing, I know its hard but try to cultivate a fixed smile and be patient, its not forever.

Alternatively, is getting your own mother in not an option? I always try to get mil in when DM is here. They chat away, neither listening to the other and are perfectly happy while I get on with stuff.

[NancyJoan]

Would taking her out help, if it’s possible? Garden Centre for a look and a cup of tea, M&S for the same. At least she could talk about different things.

[BeyondThePage]

we also have MIL staying for a bit... my issue with her is she is such a "bitch" - "why is his hair like that", "he needs a shave", "you'd have thought he'd spend some of his millions on a nose job with a nose like that", "Robert Redford looks so old" - TV is a trial to be got through!

She also talks incessantly, can't hear my responses so always says "pardon" ALWAYS (even when I say it loud!)... and follows me round - always needing to be in the same square foot of floor space as me is getting infuriating!

However, she's ill, it won't be long before she moves home, so I bite my tongue and pootle on...

[Kingsclerelass]

Give her something to do. My mum did that when she was sitting around idle.

Make cakes or a batch of jam or wrap up and go for a walk. Take her to the cinema - where you are entitled to shoosh her - or to an art gallery where you can walk away.
Buy her an audio book and a set of headphones.
Take her for a swim.