Sorry, bad title, but if your parent is quite a control freak (bad phrase) and they start loosing their ability to control (eye sight and memory mostly), how do you handle it?
I have been pushing for a cognitive assessment for a few months (prior to recent hospital admission and during the current one she has been there for almost 8 weeks). She is due to be discharged to a nice nursing home this week. Will mean a change of GPs (to someone who regularly cares for those at the home) - so will take it up with him.
However, I am struggling with my mum’s struggle to control things: each time I see her - in addition to all sorts of complaints - she is trying to micromanage me having to sort out her life. Obviously she forgets what she has just micromanaged, so she does it again, and again and again hand again and... This is making me a bit grumpy (which I shouldn’t be), so she then tells me off for being grumpy.
Lots going on at the moment: she is moving to a home from hospital, then on again (or at least this is the plan) to assisted living in 8 weeks. I am trying to sell her flat. There is Christmas in the middle (which I really don’t need). I started a very responsible new job 8 weeks ago (my first in 10 years). I have an 8 year old and a husband. I am struggling.
I do appreciate her feeling out of control and stresses and anxious. I do listen to her concerns, make lists, I am a responsible person and look after her medical appointments and finances. I reassure her that everything is fine, that she doesn’t need to worry and ask her to trust me.
I hope things will improve when she moves to the home (it is very nice), but am positive that she will find things to complain about. She doesn’t have any interests, so spends her days worrying and then dumps that all on me. Then forgets everything, so we have to go through all the details again (in much detail and much emphasis on the importance of, for example her knee high tights) about 10 times. Then next time we rehash the same things.
Visits are getting longer too (near 3 hours), because she simply MUST go through all of this important stuff (doesn’t matter that it is past 9pm, I haven’t eaten dinner and I have a 45 minutes drive home). So visits are not relaxed and enjoyable, they are almost 3 hours of my mum’s best authoritative voice going through all the important things that I must do (many times).
I am having to take a lot on at the moment, but the micromanaging (especially repeatedly of the same things) is stressing me out.
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Elderly parents
How do you handle control freak parents loosing control?
2 replies
AhAgain · 11/11/2017 11:50
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