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Dad dying - advice ?

(20 Posts)
shortsaint Wed 08-Nov-17 12:28:37

Have been sitting with my 83 yr old dad for 3 days in a side room. He is dying, has cancer and now pneumonia. He has been taken off all meds and on some oxygen. We think he might be able to hear (he could yesterday, not sure today).

Without sounding cruel, how long will this be? My mum, brother and me are here, we accept he’s going, but going a bit stir crazy. I really don’t want to sound like a cow, but has anyone been through this?

Pinkgeek Wed 08-Nov-17 12:32:53

Firstly, I am sorry for what you are going through flowers
I am not medically trained but I lost my dad to cancer 4 years ago so have experience with end of life care.
Is your dad eating or drinking still? Once this stops, it is usually no more than 3 days. Every person is different though.
Best wishes for you and your family at this difficult time x

Pinkgeek Wed 08-Nov-17 12:33:58

Just to add, hearing is the very last sense to cease so even if there is no response from him, he may well be able to hear you still.

shortsaint Wed 08-Nov-17 12:55:03

Thank you for your response. It is much appreciated.

He has had no food since Fri and the drip was removed Monday. He has had the odd tot of whisky on his lips (doctors said fine and it’s been the best response to anything). Now not really taking anything. They have just given him an injection of something beginning with d (not morphine). Nothing much has changed, it’s more like he is asleep.

Pinkgeek Wed 08-Nov-17 17:16:53

I don't know what the drug is called but it's probably something to relax him. Sometimes people become agitated as the end of life approaches.
Does his breathing sound loud and uncomfortable (it's not to him don't worry)? My dad had this (there is a name for it but I forget) in the last 48 hours.
My thoughts are with you flowers

gruntley123 Wed 08-Nov-17 17:42:14

My dad died almost a year ago. He was 93 and had various bits of cancer in his body.

It took over 4 weeks from when he stopped eating and drinking until his death, a fact I still find incredible. We moistened his lips and tried to get him to sip but his fluid intake was tiny, just tiny.

Aside from occasionally opening his eyes he didn't communicate with us, aside from an odd hand squeeze.

There was an unpleasant point where a keen district nurse tried to get him admitted to hospital for fluids but his GP agreed with us and he stayed home.

I hope your dad has a comfortable end and wish you the strength to deal with it all.

yawning801 Wed 08-Nov-17 17:51:37

Dihydrocodeine?? It's kind of a halfway house between morphine and nothing and is a great relaxant.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, OP. Cancer is so cruel. flowers and unMumsnetty hugs.

poisonedbypen Wed 08-Nov-17 18:01:55

It took my dad 2 days & my mum 5. My thoughts are with you, it's an exhausting time. In some ways special though. It's the last thing you can do for him, to talk to him, maybe play music & keep him comfortable. I wish him a peaceful journey onwards x

Blackcatonthesofa Wed 08-Nov-17 20:16:30

You might want to take more breaks and take shifts. If just one of you is there, then the others can rest or take a nice long walk. At least someone is there with him and the others can recharge. One at a time with dad really is enough. You can read him a book or the newspaper. He might still hear it and it will give you something to do.

shortsaint Thu 09-Nov-17 21:39:01

Thanks to everyone for your help, advice and understanding. Dad died this morning after 3 1/2 days of no intervention.

DramaAlpaca Thu 09-Nov-17 21:40:39

I'm very sorry for your loss shortsaint flowers

TheFaerieQueene Thu 09-Nov-17 21:42:13

I’m so sorry.

thesandwich Thu 09-Nov-17 21:43:11

I’m so sorry for your lossflowers

Mum2jenny Thu 09-Nov-17 21:44:34

So sorry shortsaint flowers. Be kind to yourself for the next few days, they can be the hardest wine

Mishappening Thu 09-Nov-17 21:52:00

I am glad that his suffering is over and he is at peace. A hard time for all of you. flowers

Jb291 Thu 09-Nov-17 21:57:38

I'm so sorry for your loss. He is at peace and not suffering anymore.

Pinkgeek Thu 09-Nov-17 22:58:24

I'm so sorry flowers. Be kind to yourselves in the next few weeks. Lots of different feelings will occur but know that they are all normal and everyone is different.

Giraffey1 Thu 09-Nov-17 23:09:17

So sorry for your loss...

Traffig Thu 09-Nov-17 23:30:57

flowers So sorry for the loss of your dear father.

Blackcatonthesofa Fri 10-Nov-17 21:19:11

I'm sorry for your loss.

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