My mother is now 91. She lives on her own in the old family home and this year she is not as good as she was. She was in hospital following a fall for a month about 3 years ago but recently she had another fall and doesn't eat well. She is not easy company and we are not really very close. She has often been critical of me and even when she was 3o ears younger refused to visit us by train, always insisting on me driving 90+ miles to collect and deliver her. More recently she will not consider coming to stay with us at all.
There is quite a lot of family history here. I have posted before but my brother lives very close and is the sole beneficiary of her quite substantial estate. After her fall 3 years ago I said I would support her to carry on living in the house though I felt she would be better off in sheltered accommodation provided she kept as active as possible and ate regular meals. She now lives on tin portions of rubbish food and seldom tries to get out of her chair. She does however manage to live alone quite well, with a little help from my sister in law, who she pays to clean once a week and my brother does her shopping. She plays the family off against each other constantly using two relatives to get odd bits of shopping for her that could easily go on her main list.
TBH I don't think she cares much about me, she tells me not to phone when her favourite ( many ) TV programmes are on or when she has earmarked time to speak to my cousins and her sister in law.
We used to go out to lunch or shopping when I visited but she is not enthusiastic about either now and that means I have to just sit there with no internet. She insists on her choice of television but falls asleep when it is on anyway.
I work more than full time and we have only just become empty nesters, DH wants us to do more nice things together at weekends.
My family have made me the scapegoat for all her ills and I'm told I should visit more often by them (not by her!). At present I go up to see her to celebrate her birthday ( usually persuading my sons to come along too) we also do a family visit just before Christmas. I then go 4 times a year to fit in with a short meeting I go to near her house. If we are visiting friends anywhere close by we pop in then too, so every 8 - 9 weeks. I really can't cope with any more, am I really so bad?
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Elderly parents
How often do you think I should visit?
14 replies
ExConstance · 23/10/2017 16:57
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