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My Mum never asks, enquires, seems interested in my life

(29 Posts)
paganmolloy Tue 22-Aug-17 15:08:12

She will ring me up to tell me stuff as soon as she hears about it e.g. my brother dropped in for a visit or other brother called and he is doing such and such, that an old friend phoned her. She will also say 'other things to tell you' and it will be really mundane stuff as she works her way through the list she keeps, just to tell me. She will never ask about what I'm up to. Best example is when I get back from holiday and ring her. First thing she says, every time "Is that you back? Nice time?" then it's bang, straight into what information she can give me about anything.

paganmolloy Tue 22-Aug-17 15:58:47

I also meant to say that we get on fine and I visit every week but I get miffed when she just doesn't enquire about my life whilst offering up in great detail, info on everyone else's. When she is done, she'll finish up with 'well not much else to tell you' but still doesn't ask anything of me or my family.

PersianCatLady Tue 22-Aug-17 16:04:33

I could have written your post myself.

My Mum says that I "go into too much detail about everything" yet other people say that I am interesting because I take a lot of interest in a lot of topics.

Does my head in.

RosieMapleLeaf Tue 22-Aug-17 16:07:01

That's my MIL! Endless boring information about people I don't know and no interest in what's going on in our lives at all.

Viewofhedges Tue 22-Aug-17 18:10:16

That's my dad. I could be climbing Everest next week and he'd be far more interested in the birds in his garden. Still. I gave up expecting him to change years ago and in some way now I see it as him loving me regardless of what I'm doing (because he never knows what that is). My mother on the other hand (they're divorced) would happily fit me with permanent web cam. She wants to know everything and I can't for the life of me understand why she finds any of it interesting.

LorLorr2 Tue 22-Aug-17 18:12:30

Is she lonely? It sounds a bit like she wants some attention (I mean that in the kindest way possible) on herself.

acornsandnuts Tue 22-Aug-17 18:17:15

My mother visibly clenches if there's any mention of my job or social life. But she has always been disappointed that I didn't become a tee total housewife.

paganmolloy Tue 22-Aug-17 18:57:08

I think she is lonely but when I've asked that, she denies it as says she's alone but not lonely. But then goes on to say how the weekends drag for her. I then offer to pick her up on Saturday, take her into town, stay for her tea, see the family and then I'd drop her back home later if she doesn't want to stay over but she says no!!!! Apart from my visit and I usually take her out somewhere for shopping or lunch, she doesn't do anything or go anywhere other than driving half a mile to supermarket. I can get that she's set in her ways and at 88 not likely to change, but she's never been interested in whatever I do even when she was younger, fitter and my Dad was alive and they socialised more. Even the most basic etiquette would suggest that it's polite to show interest in whoever you are talking to.

Mightybanhammer Fri 06-Oct-17 23:14:01

Yep me too. My mother has zero interest in me or my life. Not a function of old age- has always been like that. She has no idea who I am or what my likes and interests are. I get a small cheque at Christmas and birthday and have had since I was 16.

SelmaAndJubjub Wed 11-Oct-17 14:43:07

My mother has zero interest in me or my life. Not a function of old age- has always been like that. She has no idea who I am or what my likes and interests are

Ditto.

FaFoutis Wed 11-Oct-17 14:52:36

Me too. Never a question about me and if I volunteer information it is either met with silence or talked over. I don't bother trying any more, but she doesn't talk much in general so it is bloody awkward. At least your mother has a list of subjects pagan, mine says very little unless prompted.
I wonder if my mother is just like this with me or with others too, if so her social skills are terrible. Obviously the lack of interest makes me feel like shit (and always has), but it has also shown me how not to treat people in a conversation. I think I'm a good conversationalist and interested in other people thanks to this.

DaughterDrowningInJunk Wed 11-Oct-17 14:56:33

"My mother has zero interest in me or my life. Not a function of old age- has always been like that. She has no idea who I am or what my likes and interests are"

This is my mum to a t. We are mainly no contact now but on the rare occasion that I see her she just goes on about her neighbours grandchildren. I try very hard to ignore it but it is difficult. Sometimes she will get so excited when telling me about her neighbour's daughter's new carpet that she has never seen that she has to grip onto the furniture to stop her falling over.

She likes to go into great detail about their leisure pursuits too, which pisses me right off as she doesn't approve of me doing any activities other than cleaning.

She doesn't want me to have a social life, even though it has now been picked up by school that we do not see anybody and the DC have not met any adults outside school for some time.

DaughterDrowningInJunk Wed 11-Oct-17 15:00:56

She is also getting confidential medical information about people via the local surgery but there is no way to prove this. She takes a keen interest in Mrs Bloggs at no 23 and her ingrowing toenails. It's not like she is too elderly or depressed to take an interest in things. The interest she takes in other people and their mundane lives is off the bleddy scale.

DaughterDrowningInJunk Wed 11-Oct-17 15:09:01

They are really like a substitute family for her. She has never met most of them. I asked her if she knew them and she has met one of the grandchildren once. He would probably be a bit bemused to know that her life revolves around him. I keep meaning to find out their names so they can be pallbearers at her funeral.

FaFoutis Wed 11-Oct-17 17:20:19

Ha! You sound justifiably bitter Daughter.

Expemsiveuniform Wed 11-Oct-17 18:45:53

You are me.

MegRichardson Wed 11-Oct-17 19:37:04

My mother is the same. She couldn't even tell you what subject my degree is in.

ExConstance Tue 24-Oct-17 14:13:28

And me. Whilst my cousin's hip operation and her neighbour's holiday are sources of endless fascination to her and the topic of most of what she said to me this week it is sadly the case that my holiday, work and my children's activities are of no interest at all.

oldguygirl Wed 25-Oct-17 08:58:25

Me too. I've been very unwell and it feels like he doesn't care. Never ever rings me, even when my very ill (dementia) mother is in hospital. I have been making a point not to call him and when I called after 3 weeks all he said was he had been worried that I hadn't called him- not enough to bloody ring me then. When I said I hadn't been well (again not that he remembers what's wrong with me) he just turned it round saying that he hadn't felt well either. Typical emotionally blackmailing narcissistic behaviour ....

SleepFreeZone Wed 25-Oct-17 09:00:02

Mine does exactly the same. 98% of our conversation is taken up with her telling me about my sister and her children.

Ragusa Wed 25-Oct-17 09:07:32

MIL does this.

It's a combination of lack of empathy, attention-seeking, lonelinesd and very poor social awareness. She isn't a bad person at all, just wasn't brought up with the care and attention you'd expect nowadays.

Ragusa Wed 25-Oct-17 09:10:57

DH says things like "so shall I tell you about my life mum?!" And she laughs and says "oh I'm doing it again!" but never changes I'm finding her trickier to be around as I get older and less tolerant.

WhatHaveIFound Wed 25-Oct-17 09:15:51

My mother has zero interest in me or my life. Not a function of old age- has always been like that. She has no idea who I am or what my likes and interests are

^ This is my mum too. She's forever going on about what a great job/house/life my sister has and the achievements of my niece & nephew but fails to show any interest in me and my kids sad

MoreCheerfulMonica Wed 25-Oct-17 09:20:39

My mother also tends to be like this. She's lonely and spends a lot of time brooding, so when I see her (which I do regularly) I mostly have to listen to a monologue of complaints. She rarely asks how I am, but if she does and I mention my ill health, she turns it into top trumps by insisting that she's more ill. It's exhausting.

Rudedog Wed 25-Oct-17 09:24:58

MIL was like this and one of DHs brothers is exactly the same.

The irony being he complained about MIL being like that.
For decades he had given DH blown by blow descriptions of his working days, I think he has no idea what me or DH do for a living.
He tells us alll about his children and has zero interest in ours.

They also have the same personality trait that they can't believe you don't have exactly the same likes/dislikes as them.

Some people live in a bubble, or I am starting to think it's just narcissistic behaviour

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