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Can I make him go to the doctors?

(6 Posts)
TheExtraGuineaPig Mon 10-Jul-17 09:57:24

My DF is not elderly yet (70) but seems to be aging really fast and not coping. About 2 years ago he was suffering dizzyness and what was possibly mini-strokes and found out he had an almost blocked carotid artery and was at imminent risk of a stroke... he wouldn't have seen a doctor then only his wife called one without telling him (he was furious). He had an operation and was better for a while.

Seems like the same thing is happening again, he hasn't got off the sofa or eaten properly for several days and is dizzy. I spoke to him yesterday (he lives 2.5hrs drive away) but he swears he's ok, even though he sounds awful. His wife said he isn't doing anything at all but he's being horrible to her. They have a difficult relationship. Not sure whether it's relevant but I'm not close with them either, he was pretty crap when I was growing up, particularly to my mum. I see him about every 2 months but they nearly always come to us as their house is chaotic, not great at looking after themselves and we have primary school kids, they seem to prefer that.

My question is - any advice on trying to get him to see a doctor? I am going to try as soon as he gets up today. Or else do you think it is worth me asking his doctor to see him? It is a local village practice and he knows his GP well I think.

This possibly seems a but naive to many of you but it's the first time either DH or I have had to help with healthcare for any of the DPs or DSPs.

PinkFluffiUnicorn Mon 10-Jul-17 09:59:56

I think you could phone the doctors and explain your situation to someone there. Hopefully you will get help

rizlett Mon 10-Jul-17 10:01:14

Did he refuse to see his GP yesterday when you spoke to him?

Will his wife take him?

If not, I'd call his surgery and explain the situation to them - they will probably phone to talk to him and may do a home visit.

TheExtraGuineaPig Mon 10-Jul-17 10:44:23

Thanks everyone.

I've just spoken to him and he says he is fine and going to the supermarket in his car, he says he is feeling much better and has been extremely tired recently. He swears he is not scared of the doctor and will go if he feels bad again.

It's so hard to know what to do, he is a clever man and knows what to say to make things sound fine. On the other hand his wife is miserable and a heavy drinker who means well but gets very upset when she's drinking. The more emotionally needy she gets the more cold and aloof my Dad becomes. I am sure she is worried about him but she also wants a different relationship and it's sometimes hard to know what the reality is. I hesitate to diagnose but she probably has co-dependancy issues as an alcoholic who's first husband drank himself to death. My Dad drinks too - although not to the same extent as her. Actually writing all this down is helping - sorry if it's turning into a long rant!

She could call the Dr easily (she's much younger than him and the Dr is on the same street) but she thinks he'll be less upset if I do it.

At the end of the day he is an adult with all of his wits about him, I told him I was worried and both my brother and I would like him to get a check up and he doesn't want to. I've told his wife I'm leaving it up to him but if he crashes out later today I'll call the GP for them.

I can't say I feel entirely comfortable with it but while he's sounding fine I also can't totally ignore his wishes and treat him like a small child.


Wheelycote Mon 10-Jul-17 11:00:43

It is really difficult. In my experience even when I called the doctors out, he would tell them he was well and they were limited on what they could do.

The being powerless when having real concerns was the hardest thing.

At end of day he is an adult. Big loves your way

rizlett Mon 10-Jul-17 11:06:53

Sometimes the adults are more frustrating than the kids!

That sounds like a good plan op.

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