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My relationship with my mother

(3 Posts)
Koosh90 Sun 30-Apr-17 14:00:07

I'm sorry, this will be long and I'm not sure if I can use paragraphs as I'm using my phone right now. I'll do my best.
My mum is disabled and in her mid 60s. And to be very blunt-I just don't like her.
It started back when I was a child. I was hit for bad behaviour-not the end of the world, but I soon learned to cower and run from her if I'd done something wrong-even if it was an accident.
She was an alcoholic, and a lot of my early memories are of her staggering home drunk after we had spent hours at her friend's house. That is, unless she got lucky and we spent the night there instead.
Often she's been too hungover to take me to school, or too drunk to pick me up from school (why social services never stepped in I'll never know, as the took my siblings away before I was born).
I ran away from home as soon as I turned 16 and never went back, but we did keep in contact.
I'm now in my mid 20s, married with one child and another on the way. Yet she still makes me so unhappy.
She's a vile woman. She's racist, judgemental, snappy and impatient. She comes over and demands to be served food and drink before anyone has a chance to offer. She expects the house to be spotless and makes me feel worthless if it isn't to her liking.
At Easter just gone, I had long long since found out I was pregnant again, and I'd gone completely off chocolate. I hadn't told her I was pregnant, and when she had brought over some chocolate I thanked her and said I would open it later.
She threw the box at me. Yes, really.
My son doesn't like being around her-as soon as she comes over her goes to his bedroom and closes the door, then comes downstairs once she's gone. She accuses me and my husband of turning him against her, but we've never said a thing. He just doesn't like her.
The worst part is, she so sickenly nice to other people (until they really get to know her) and when I try to cut her out of my life, she's gone psychotic to the point of trying to break into my house, sending people to scare me into speaking to her again and even calling the police to say I'm a missing person.
Today (this is the last part I promise!) I've been extra agitated. I'm in my first trimester and considered high risk. I've had several losses in the past and due to pains, been put on bed rest. We spoke on the phone and she's called me ridiculously pathetic-saying in her day we just got on with it and she doesn't go around saying "oh look at me, I'm disabled!"
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I haven't mentioned the whole story, but if I cut her out of my life again she'll cause even more stress.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 30-Apr-17 14:06:05

Can you low contact?

Avoid having her over, don't answer calls to her all the time, cut short phonecalls.

Don't call her yourself or invite her over.

If she harasses you, call the police.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 30-Apr-17 14:08:55

Nc is the way to go. .

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