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I can't stand my elderly mother

(5 Posts)
julessussex Thu 13-Apr-17 09:24:21

She had a stroke about 6 years ago and this has left her disabled, bitter and angry.
She was unkind to my father during his illness.
She is cruel emotionally to myself and my children.
She is loaded and gifts huge chunks of cash to my brothers and other grandchildren in the family but doesn't even buy my kids a birthday or christmas present.
She is cruel and says unkind things, selfish and rude.
She lives about 10 minutes away and because of her disability my husband says we must visit and help her. I don't want to. I honestly wish she would just die.

CrumpettyTree Thu 13-Apr-17 09:28:44

Sympathies. I don't like my mum either. She was a rubbish mother and has been the bane of my life. Let your brothers take responsibility for sorting out care. Even if they don't live near they can hire carers.

CrumpettyTree Thu 13-Apr-17 09:36:00

Or your mum could use her wealth to get in carers or go into a home?

LegoCaltrops Thu 13-Apr-17 09:36:19

Generally, people reap what they sow.
Unless you have reason to believe her behaviour is some kind of dementia, I'd stop bothering. And you should not carry the entire burden of supporting her.

wonkylegs Sat 13-May-17 17:40:08

It's really really hard especially as everyone assumes 'you must help her she's your mum'
My mum was diagnosed with dementia earlier this year and it was a real dilemma as to how to react as frankly she's been a shit mum for my whole life and has some nasty streaks to her personality. Its assumed by lots of people as I'm the eldest & a woman that I'd take on looking after her. I'd always said to my DH I wouldn't do anything for her it was up to my brother as she has an entirely different relationship with him (she bought him a flat, paid for uni, looked after his kid when she wouldn't even lend me a fiver if I was desperate and never even remembered a card for my kids birthdays or Christmases even before she had dementia)
After her diagnosis I sat and talked it through with my DH and came to the conclusion that actually I would help her even if it was just to teach my kids that you should help when you can, and hope that they would have a better example from me than the one shed given me. It's been slightly easier as the dementia has actually made her a nicer person.
I don't feel I owe her anything though, I'm doing this for my kids more than anything else.

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