Not sure if this is quite the right place as my mum isn't elderly as such, but hoping for some advice!
She is 70, in good health, well off financially and can drive. Widowed a few years ago and moved 200 miles away to live near DB. She did want to move near me, but when I made it clear that we wouldn't be in and out of each others houses every day, that DH and I have busy lives and of course we would visit but she wouldn't be entwined in our lives the way she seemed to want, she decided DB was the better option! (There is a huge back story here about our relationship, but I'd be here all day if I tried to explain).
Anyhow a few years on and I don't think she's getting quite the 'service' she wanted from DB, he works very long hours and has 50% residence of DNs, and a new girlfriend, so she doesn't see much of him other than when she babysits.
She's now saying she's worried about when she gets older as she thinks he won't 'look after' her properly and saying she's going to move near me instead so I can do it! I've been quite clear that whilst I will make sure she's ok whatever happens, that is in the end likely to mean her being in sheltered accomodation, a care home, or at home with carers. I will not be her carer under any circumstances and she seems to think that's totally unreasonable. Comments about 'putting your own mother in a home' etc etc. I have tried to say she could be 10, 15, 20 years away from losing her independence as there's nothing bloody wrong with her but she wants reassurance now that if/when it happens I will 'look after' her (main points seem to be what if can't drive, what if I'm ill, what if I can't do things for myself any more, if I'm closer you'll be able to help me more, you'll be able to pop in every day) and I'm just not willing to give her the reassurance she wants as it would be misleading. I can't make it any clearer but it's like she's just choosing not to hear me and then a few months later we have the same conversation again. I wouldn't put it past her to just move down the road and assume I will cooperate! Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
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Elderly parents
When they want support you don't want to give
9 replies
Licketysplits · 01/04/2017 14:25
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