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Dm near the end.

(43 Posts)
ZaZathecat Mon 06-Feb-17 17:04:23

Dm was starting to get used to the home about 6 weeks in, was confused but fairly cheerful and liked some of the carers. But on Saturday night she collapsed and was sent to hospital where a CT scan showed a massive bleed in her brain. She didn't, and will not regain consciousness. She's just being kept comfortable in hospital while we wait for the end.
The first night I stayed next to her bed hoping to be there when she died, but realised after that it could be days or even more than a week. So all I can do is visit regularly and try to carry on as normal in between. It's horrible. The hospital staff have been very kind though.
I just wanted to let that out. I'm playing it down to my teens. They know she's in hospital but think it's just more of the usual. No need to make them suffer too until it's over.

Badders123 Mon 06-Feb-17 17:09:49

Zaza 💐
Love to you and your mum x

ZaZathecat Mon 06-Feb-17 17:12:46

Thanks Badders. I wish I could be sure she's completely unaware of what's happening to her.

AstrantiaMajor Mon 06-Feb-17 17:29:06

ZaZa , I am thinking or you💐 Please prepare yourself for this to possibly be longer than you think. After she was admitted, my mum went for several weeks without food before the fight finally went out of her. She was hydrated by a drip and I thought it would be just a mattter of days,. Naturally the hospital cannot specify, but I think even they were a bit surprised by how long she lasted.

She was very well looked after, during those final weeks but I know how hard it is going in day after day, never sure what new you will receive.

AstrantiaMajor Mon 06-Feb-17 17:29:41

News I. Mean

Badders123 Mon 06-Feb-17 17:30:26

My bil had a massive brain bleed and survived.
He remembers NOTHING from those days.
And he was in no pain.

FadedRed Mon 06-Feb-17 17:39:48

You are walking a difficult path Zara, and you have my sympathies.
I walked the same path with both my parents and it is a hard road.

However, if your DC's are close to their Grandmother, then it might be better for them to be prepared for her loss, than for it to come as a shock. Maybe telling them she is very poorly and she unlikely to get better would be kinder in the long run. Also, in future they might wonder why you didn't give them a chance to say goodbye. This is meant kindly, and you will know best what to do with your own children, than a random internet stranger.

ZaZathecat Mon 06-Feb-17 17:45:05

Thanks Astra. She's not on a drip. All the monitors were taken off the first night and all tubes removed. Oxygen was given but removed after a few hours. Badders, the doctor's really don't expect a recovery and I think I'd be more scared at thr state she'd be in if she did regain consciousness. The dementia wad already getting pretty bad.

Badders123 Mon 06-Feb-17 17:47:49

My bil wasn't on drips or anything.
It was most odd...or at least I thought it odd!
The fact was - as the dr told us - he would either recover conciousness or not.
My bil was only 38 so had youth on his side.
Take care x

CMOTDibbler Mon 06-Feb-17 17:49:32

Thinking of you ZaZa xx

ZaZathecat Mon 06-Feb-17 20:26:41

Thanks all of you x

Ilovecaindingle Mon 06-Feb-17 20:30:08

Have you considered your dc may wish to have the chance to say goodbye? Keeping them in the dark is taking away their right to choose surely! In the long run they may accept her passing that bit easier if they get the chance to tell her they love her.

ZaZathecat Mon 06-Feb-17 20:30:52

Faded I have been struggling with what to tell the teens. I have just told them she's been sleeping since Saturday and it may be that her body is giving up. They took it quite well (I spsred them the details). At least they are warned now.

thesandwich Mon 06-Feb-17 20:33:24

Zaza thinking of you and wishing your DM peace. Xx

FadedRed Mon 06-Feb-17 21:37:55

So sorry Zaza. It can't have been an easy conversation for you, but I think you will find it was the best thing for your DC's to have an idea of how serious the situation is.
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

picklemepopcorn Mon 06-Feb-17 21:49:32

I have told my DCs that their GF is having treatment, but isn't going to get better. They are 16 and 20. They can get some time in with him while he is still reasonably well. I think telling them the news in stages is helpful. It gives them time to understand each element.

Sorry' ZaZa

whataboutbob Tue 07-Feb-17 08:45:06

Thinking of you zaza. I was there only a few weeks ago with my dad, it's exhausting, and for him (and me) it only lasted 4 days so you must be shattered. Unfortunately there is a higher risk of cerebral bleed in dementia. You have been and continue to be there for her and that is what matters in the long run. xx

Needmoresleep Tue 07-Feb-17 09:16:02

Best wishes Zaza and peace to you all.

ZaZathecat Tue 07-Feb-17 09:27:59

Thanks again all of you. It helps to talk to people who understand. It feels so unreal.

VintagePerfumista Tue 07-Feb-17 09:32:41

Thinking of you here too Zaza flowers

MrsMarigold Tue 07-Feb-17 10:10:47

Thinking of you ZaZa.

ZaZathecat Thu 09-Feb-17 16:08:18

That's it, she's gone. The last few months if not years have been building up to this but it's still hit me like a ton of bricks.

ColdAsIceCubes Thu 09-Feb-17 16:10:32

flowers I'm sorry for your loss.

Popskipiekin Thu 09-Feb-17 16:11:54

So sorry to read this. flowers Do you have someone with you?

BogsDollox Thu 09-Feb-17 16:32:04

flowers Condolences OP, thinking of you...

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