Can't figure out what my mum wants

[winkywinkola]

She's 83. She lives 3 hours drive away from me. She lives in our family home with my oldest sibling.

She needs a knee replacement operation but she won't ask for it because surgery terrifies her.

She had to have an MRI scan next month because she has a pain where in the liver/gall bladder/pancreas area and they can't identify the problem.

I want to be there for her, hand hold, go and visit her etc but she doesn't want me to.

She's told me she doesn't want me to visit. She's told me she doesn't want me and my h and dcs to come up and take her out to lunch on Christmas Day.

She's always resisted planning ahead and I get that she's probably worried about the MRI scan and what they might find.

She's really blocking me out. I think she finds visitors stressful and would just rather not have them.

What should I do?

[thesandwich]

What does your sibling say? What would happen if you just turned up? Is she trying to protect you? It sounds really tough