My mum was widowed 18montha ago and is now in an independent assisted living house a few miles from me. She had been doing ok, she hated living alone and wasnt taking advantage of the activities etc available but seemed to be doing ok.
However in the last month or so, she has gone downhill rapidly. I don't think she is eating (as she has certainly lost weight) but says she goes to lunch everyday and the lunch staff haven't flagged up a problem, basically she seems to be surviving on wine and fags (she is also alcohol dependent and has been for many years although recently her drinking has started at 4pm rather than 6pm)
We went to the Docs about a year ago as she was feeling down and he suggested antidepressants and/or counselling both of which she dismissed out of hand. I have suggested we go again but she refuses to consider it.
She has always had a tendency to 'woe is me' and when it doesn't get the attention she wants usually gives it up but I'm worried this is actual depression and so she can't 'snap out of it' as usual.
It's frustrating as she complains of being lonely and never leaving the house, but there are lots of possibilities available to her but she's not taking them. This frustrates me but it's possible she is suffering from depression rather than just being bloody minded
I take her out once a week and usually pop in one other time (I work 4 days a week and have 2 young children) but she obviously wants more.
I don't know what to do for the best, I obviously can't drag her to the doctors but am worried she's going to make herself really ill.
Sorry for the essay, but any insights or advice would be really helpful please.