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Dad stopped from driving

(12 Posts)
maisiejones Thu 29-Sep-16 17:49:43

My 92 year old dad has refused to stop driving thinking he's still capable. I've been worried for so long as I've seen his judgement and reflexes become more and more impaired. Well, yesterday the inevitable happened. He crashed into the back of another car and it looks as though his car is a write-off. The police are going to recommend to the DVLA that his licence is revoked. Thank God nobody was seriously injured and I'm so relieved his driving is at an end. I always knew it would take something like this before he would stop. Felt sad for him today though. He cried and said he felt as though his life had ended. 😢 So hard to see a once strong and fit HGV driver diminished like this.

Brontebiscuits Thu 29-Sep-16 17:54:33

Oh what a shame, your poor Dad. Does he use his car a lot? It will greatly affect his independence - keep an eye on his mood while he adjusts to this. Are there any community services or groups he can access that will still get him out and about?

Ifailed Thu 29-Sep-16 18:00:19

Sorry, but I have little sympathy. I know he's you Dad and you love him etc, but as you say:

I've been worried for so long as I've seen his judgement and reflexes become more and more impaired

Thankfully no one has been hurt, and only his pride has been affected. Plenty of people (should) have to stop driving for the safety of everyone else, why should he be exempt?

Sad that it has come to this, but surely a blessing in disguise for the sake of every other road user?

maisiejones Thu 29-Sep-16 18:02:20

Bronte. To be honest he only used the car two or three times a week for very short journeys so I guess the psychological aspect is worse than the actuality. He won't socialise without me being there and I do try to do nice things with him even though I work. I've just set up an account with a local cab company so he just has to pick up the phone if he wants to go somewhere. He isn't within walking distance of any shops etc. as he's quite unsteady on his feet these days. But my sadness is tempered with huge relief. I was so scared that he would badly injure somebody - or himself. Thankfully, he got away quite lightly!

Brontebiscuits Thu 29-Sep-16 18:04:25

It's not just his pride Ifailed, it's his independence and sense of identity. Yes it's correct he shouldn't be driving and now he isn't. No one was hurt. Surely you can show a bit of empathy.

FrancisCrawford Thu 29-Sep-16 18:06:15

Sympathies. I've been there twice with elderly parents - the huge worries, talking to them, the "but I only drive locally" and "you are trying to take away my independence" conversations and, as you say, the tears.

It's not easy for anyone involved. There has to be a better system than the present one.

GoMeGoYou Thu 29-Sep-16 18:06:58

I had just made up my mind to report my own Dad as he wouldn't stop when he had his cataracts done and could see again. (It's quite handy being able to actually see when you are driving hmm). I thought it through I decided I had no choice as I knew he was becoming dangerous and if he had killed someone then I would have felt partly responsible. I am so glad I didn't actually have to do it. I knew it was the right thing to do but it felt wrong.
I was going to not tell anyone and do it anonymously.

I wouldn't let anyone drink drive either.

It's very sad when people loose their means of getting about but not as sad as when innocent people are killed by people who shouldn't be on the road.

maisiejones Thu 29-Sep-16 18:07:25

Ifailed. If you read my post you will see I'm thankful he will no longer drive and glad the police are reporting him with a view to having his licence revoked. I'm not saying 'poor him, it's unfair'! Nowhere did I even hint that he should be exempt. Forgive me though for having the temerity to be upset at the sight of my father crying.

whataboutbob Thu 29-Sep-16 19:24:35

My Dad's driving was always dodgy at best (he passed at the 11th attempt) but with the onset of dementia it became very scary. Of course he denied there was a problem, everyone was on the phone to me telling me I must stop him driving (i tried talking to him about it , but he'd just shout at me). When he couldn't renew his tax I refused to help him, the inevitable happened and the car got towed away. Thank God, he never hurt anyone.
You sound like a lovely daughter Maisie and his life is definitely not over as you are thinking very creatively about ways of adding quality to his life.

user1467976192 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:28:22

It's a tough one see it often working in a care home, one half lives in the home and sometimes spouses who are no longer as alert drive to visit, we've had fences hit but they still claim they are ok to drive. They feel with the driving license gone they will no longer be able to get out and about and visit their other halfs

CMOTDibbler Thu 29-Sep-16 19:29:49

is your dad a distance from the shops that a mobility scooter would work? My parents are a mile from the shops (and even further from the GP) , but a mobility scooter has let dad carry on pottering round the town, doing his shopping etc with the great advantage that he can stop and chat to people. To go to the hospital he uses the volunteer car service which is a very reasonable price and they don't charge for any waiting.

It is really upsetting when they can't continue driving - I think its such a tangible sign of your failing body, but there are lots of ways to continue being independant.

Wolpertinger Thu 29-Sep-16 19:34:27

If you aren't fit to drive because your cognition has deteriorated so much you drove into something, you aren't fit to use a mobility scooter really.

You still need sharp reflexes, road awareness etc and most of the same skills for driving. People have been killed by mobility scooter drivers too - it's completely unregulated in law and a big risk.

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