The MIL has finally moved on after 7 weeks !!(3 Posts)
After a 7 week gap between selling her house and her bungalow being modernised my MIL has finally moved in on Saturday 😀😀😀
Sorry if this sounds selfish but she's been a pain and I'm so glad to have her gone and proud we managed to keep from falling out with her.
She's still a nuisance though and moaning about anything and everything.
Will it get better or will she continue to be a cantankerous old bugger? Feeling she's expecting me to fall into the role of her carer and I have no intention of. I work full time and have 2 teenage daughters who are now old enough that my husband and I now have the opportunity to enjoy our free time together.
Well done! This is the part of MN where there is no such thing as stealth boasting, we register our achievements, ranting is fine, and no flaming.
It probably won't get better, as you know. But there is learning:
1. Boundaries. This is long term. You need to pace yourself.
2. Resources. What resources are there. The time/support you are willing to give, the support avalable from others in the family (perhaps admin from a distance or respite visits), money available to buy stuff in.
3. Planning. How she can be encouraged to get used to outside help, eg by having a cleaner in now, or getting used to using taxis. Ensuring her outside support network is as good as it can be but encouraging her to take part in suitable activities, so eventually things like day centres become options. And when it is needed emergency, stuff like alarms and key safes or adaptations. And get a POA signed early.
4. Relationships. They need to change as the parent becomes the child. There is often a power struggle when the child becomes more assertive, but this needs to happen, because in time you will need to make deciisions based on what is good for you, and for your MiL.
Thank you need more sleep
Yes my husband and I have already discussed boundaries. Since she moved in on Saturday I haven't been around, my husband popped in over bank holiday though and advised her we'll call her later in the week. He is working away every week now so only around at weekends anyway.
She wants him there all weekend jobbing for her but he's told her whilst he'll come over and do a few bits he's go thing to do at home and family that he hasn't seen all week.
Re resources - I've given her the council handyman service number. She's already using taxis and grumbling about this. She gets attendance allowance which she happily lets amass in the account, I've told her this is for her taxis and anything else she needs like someone to help her clean etc.
She's hew to the area so doesn't know anyone and is getting a knee replacement soon but I have given her info on the local churches and offered to take her along but she declined. I've also got her info on community transport who do a luncheon club.
I'm trying hard not to disempower her as she did everything for herself before but am getting the impression she wants me to swoop in and do everything for her.
She'd got a pile ofr Rubbish at her back door when my husband called in. He asked why she hadn't put it in bin herself as she's perfectly capable. She won't buy Rubbish bags and uses the free charity bags that cone through the door filling them to the brim then can't pick them up😁 He told her to use her bin herself don't fill so much and put it out herself (wheelie bin v close) aaargh
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