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MIL - very ill, won't accept help.

(5 Posts)
worriedworker01 Sat 23-Jul-16 19:19:09

My MIL has just had an operation on her hand. She is physically very very frail. She can not walk (refuses hip and knee operation). We have found out that since she came home from hospital earlier in the week she had not gone upstairs. She refuses help. She has had a family member visit her every day but will do nothing apart from let them make her a cup of tea. She is using the garden as a toilet and has not washed. She will not listen to reason. I think we have got to the stage where we need help from experts.

My partner and his family are saying, this is her choice, let's get her a carer to visit once a day. She is also apparently planning to have a stairlift put in - but she does this a lot, makes plans, then goes off them. I am concerned that she is in so much pain she is not thinking straight, that she is depressed and that she is not in a position to make a reasoned decision. She doesn't want a carer - I have no idea how we will persuade her to allow one in the house.

She has always been stubborn especially in regards to her health and has refused to have a hip operation for over 18 years. What would happen if I phoned social services and asked for help? Rest of family against this - but I think everyone is so used to her making ridiculous decisions that they accept her idea of normal. Fairly certain it isn't dementia - she has always made very bad decisions re her health and refusing to let people help. Any advice please?

Cocolepew Sat 23-Jul-16 19:27:34

Why are the family do against it?
If she's peeing/pooing in the garden and not going upstairs she obviously isnt keeping herself clean either.
Im boggling that adults would think an eldery woman using her garden as a toilet is normal.

Cocolepew Sat 23-Jul-16 19:28:58

Sorry that wasnt much help!
If you phoned SS, how do you think the family would react?
Personally I would be phoning them , even for advice.

worriedworker01 Sat 23-Jul-16 22:29:04

Thanks for your replues Cocolepew. She is cleaning herself with wet wipes but because of mobility issues can not do tbid properly. Her children don't really think any if this is normal but seem accepting of it all. She is a very difficult woman - uses emotional blackmail etc and it seems no one apart from me is able to see the awfulness of it all.

I am going to phone ss for advice on Monday. My husband is visiting her tomorrow, going by past experience i woildn't be surprised if she ended up back in hospital again anyway.

Cocolepew Sat 23-Jul-16 22:42:09

I suppose her children are used to her behaviour, whereas an outsider would think it odd.
I hope you get some help from SS flowers

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