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Not sure what to do...

(7 Posts)
averythinline Thu 09-Jun-16 21:35:19

FIL (89) in hospital after a stroke/bleed on the brain- has physical movement but v shaky and confused. Has had infection in his hand since which we think was treated by antibiotics as swelling gone down.
Dh is only child- has gone to where they are 250miles away.
apart from not knowing what is really happening with FIL (hospital are quite vague- we think its v wait and see at the moment) they have asked for a family meeting tomorrow with Social svces.
one of the difficulties is that MIL (78) is an alcoholic - she is sober at the moment but has a cyclical binging pattern excarbated by stress....she is ok at the now as in crisis mode but this will stop..
Cant think how to plan/work out for longer term - assuming he lives but she thinks physio has suggested he'll be discharged soon...whereas he was phoning them up in the middle of the night from hospital as he didnt know where he was....he was so confused....

guess need to work out what does dh need to ask/talk about/say in the family meeting.....he's told the hospital staff about her -she's not happy but FIL will not be safe when shes on a bender.....

sorry for rambling but ideas for family meeting tomorrow would help thanks..

FetchezLaVache Thu 09-Jun-16 21:44:51

DH did the right thing telling them about MIL's drinking. Is she going to be at the meeting tomorrow?

Hospital will have been monitoring his needs e.g. mobility, continence and I suspect they will be extremely reluctant to release him into the care of an alcoholic. When you say he won't be safe when she's on a bender, do you mean she'll neglect him or actively abuse him?

I suspect, given his age (and he sounds rather frail), residential care might be the favoured option...

averythinline Thu 09-Jun-16 22:00:27

Yes she'll be at the meeting ..but dh has been v clear to her that he will open and honest with them..

She's likely to be abusive and neglect him , the neglect through default as she's hammered and passes out by lunchtime....often... She is agressive as well, she is also due a heart monitor check next week ...

He wasn't frail before but maybe dh and mil and fil need to recognise he is now..I would feel happier as feel he would be safe but dh will worry that she is then on her own and likely to get worse....she wouldnt have any help/support before

FetchezLaVache Mon 13-Jun-16 10:16:37

How did it go, averythinline?

averythinline Mon 13-Jun-16 18:35:15

Mixed to be honest he wasn't fit to be discharged medically but physio said was ok so no place at rehab... social services didn't turn up...plan to send care home short term...then take from there.. doesn't address at all what about her...

averythinline Mon 13-Jun-16 18:38:44

She's still in denial I think as started talking about the impact on holiday insurance and where they would be able to go...... thanks for asking, they have said will be another meeting before discharge but worried they'll just say he doesn't need to be in hospital

FetchezLaVache Mon 13-Jun-16 19:54:16

I know what you mean- it's awful for them to be in hospital, but at the same time it buys you a bit of time to work out what on earth you're going to do! I must say, I think it's a bit shit that social services didn't turn up, given that you'd voiced concerns about MIL's drinking...

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