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Spent part of today feeding my mum puree :-(

(9 Posts)
SlipperyJack Mon 21-Dec-15 18:28:58

Just having a bit of a wobble.DM is in a nursing home with advanced dementia, and now has to have all her food pureed and her drinks thickened.

I visited her today (I live 2.5 hours away with DH and two young DC) and the staff asked if I wanted to help give her pudding. I found I was doing it exactly the same way as I had fed the DC when they were weaning - even said the same things. She truly is into second infancy sad.

My relationship with her was difficult, so my emotions can be very up and down after a visit. Today they're definitely down...

CMOTDibbler Mon 21-Dec-15 18:30:56

sad. My 9 year old cuts mums food up for her, and her swallow is going fast now, so she can only eat certain things.

I think this time of year is really tough when you have a parent with dementia.

SlipperyJack Mon 21-Dec-15 18:38:32

This time of year does suck a bit - DF died years ago, and I have no siblings. DM has a sister but they're not close. (Seriously tragic family background!) I really need to cheer up and focus on DH and the kids, but I'm allowing myself a wee snivel first.

Hugs to you, Throat. Which reminds me - time to dig out Hogfather for its annual reading.

whataboutbob Tue 22-Dec-15 14:44:10

Oh slippery that sounds really tough. I also kept spotting many parallels between my kids' development and my father's regression. He is now in hospital waiting for a care home place. Eating is one of the few things he can do well now.
I also find Christmas difficult, my mum was buried exactly 21 years ago to the day after dying suddenly. There's too much of a disconnect between what Christmas "should" be, and what it really is (obligation to put on a show).
I breathe a sigh of relief on the 1st of January.

ILoveOnionRings Tue 22-Dec-15 15:09:29

eeryoIt is very tough, we were doing this for FIL just a few weeks ago (he has since passed away). DH found physical tasks like helping FIL dress and eat really difficult to do because of the realisation of how poorly FIL had become. DH did do things like found FIL's favourite songs and played these to him, found snippets on Youtube of Laurel and Hardy, Bugs Bunny, anything comedy as FIL loved these and we would play him a couple each day as he could see the screen on the phone, when we visited. If DH was snoozing then we would just play an album of favourite songs, on low next to his ear or did crosswords and talked to him. As we reached the end stages we took to reading a favourite book to him.

It is a very difficult time, emotionally and physically draining, crying is good, I used to in the bath so DH couldn't see me as he was struggling so much. Emotions are strange things, you think in your mind that you are managing the situation and then they creep up on you catching you unawares.

I was looking at photos and there is one of DH as a toddler walking to the beach with his bucket and FIL is holding his hand and this reduced me to tears yesterday. Or a couple of months ago emotions got me again, FIL and MIL`(passed away a few years ago) were very good dancers and when looking for something in their home I found a notebook, every page filled with FILs meticulous writing giving the steps for each dance.

Everyone needs 5 minutes, take them, have a cup of tea - or something else - and if you need 10 minutes then take that to. Thoughts are with you

SlipperyJack Thu 24-Dec-15 16:33:25

onion, you are so right about emotions creeping up on you. I thought I was doing fine, and then today I started weeping in Waitrose because I saw a box of Bendicks Bittermints, which were DM's favourite. Bugger bugger bugger. (Though a very lovely lady patted me on the shoulder and said "it'll all be over soon, chin up!" I think she thought the stress of Christmas was getting to me grin .)

VagueIdeas Thu 24-Dec-15 16:37:22

It really is a regression into child/babyhood.

My nan went into a home in October. My mum and I always say how her behaviour (esp. bad eating and drinking habits) are so like four year old DD. I know soon she'll go way past that. Wonder if she'll know who I am when I see her next - she's already forgotten most of her grandchildren.

So cruel, and so difficult for those who have to watch flowers

SparklyTinselTits Thu 24-Dec-15 17:00:06

I feel you. flowers
We visited DH's grandma today, who's partner is receiving home care. Or should I say, is supposed to be receiving home care. Grandma isn't in the best of health herself, so can't really assist with his care.
He is no longer mobile, and is fed through a tube. His carer failed to turn up this afternoon to help him with his "meal", and have a shower , help with his meds etc sad He was so upset. It's so awful to see a once perfectly healthy, independent gentleman so upset and dependant.
I wish there was more we could do.

Merry fucking Christmas sad

Gutterflower Thu 24-Dec-15 17:04:48

Hugs OP! My grandfather had vascular dementia and was always such an independent strong man before diagnosis. He was incapable of feeding and drinking on his own so I know exactly how you feel. It's heartbreaking xxx

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