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Waaah! Miss my mum ...firsts without her

(11 Posts)
Helenluvsrob Mon 02-Nov-15 00:27:52

Or any parent who can " be a parent" for me and my family.

Mum died in February. Dad has dementia. They were both so very proud of the grandkids. Well not only did eldest get 87% in her MA dissertation but she has had a paper accepted for a conference next year and I can't tell my mum and dad ;(. Well I can tell dad and he'll say " that's lovely news" because he still has good frontal lobes , but you know he doesn't know who she is if she's not there, and he's no concept of how good her work is.

I expect I'll get used to it , but ....sniff.....even up till a couple of weeks before she died mum was so boosted by hearing of dds PhD funding success - she was so poorly but she even told her consultant about it !

CMOTDibbler Mon 02-Nov-15 07:18:24

I know exactly where you are coming from. Mum doesn't know who any of us are, and between dads stress and his early stage dementia he has no interest in our lives either. For instance I went away for a week in October for work, and it was my birthday while I was out there.
When I came home, dad neither mentioned my trip or my birthday.
Its the feeling that in my life, the only people that really care about me and dh and ds which is a bit sobering, esp when ds is only 9.

thesandwich Mon 02-Nov-15 22:04:48

Oh Helen and CMOT. I cannot imagine yet not having dm demanding a postcard from each holiday. So sorry.( formerly aka twentyten)

StillRunningWithScissors Mon 02-Nov-15 22:22:56

I'm just starting on this road. Lost my mum just over a week ago after a short, aggressive bout with cancer.

It's already horrible the number of times a day I think about telling her something only to realise that I can't.

Sending you some big hugs.

Helenluvsrob Thu 05-Nov-15 20:26:33

Stillrunning so sorry you've joined this club. Sending you lots of hugs too..

Popped to the shops today and the number of Xmas things my brain went " mum would love that " and my heart gave a little lurch every time sad

I think maybe we need an Xmas pressie rethink. It might help if we took the plunge to not do pressies for the adults when we go to the in laws. I luffs my mother in law but I do the present buying and to buy for her not my mum might be too much.

Got some good ideas for dad though even though I can't buy him chocs as he hoards them / forgets to eat them!

mumblechum1 Mon 30-Nov-15 16:23:00

I know what you mean about almost forgetting they're not here. I saw "Brooklyn" at the cinema the other night and there were so many parallels with my mum's life (emigrated from Ireland in the 1950s to the US etc, and all the lovely fashions) I caught my self thinking, ooh I'll take Mum to see this. Then remembering she died last month sad

thesandwich Mon 30-Nov-15 21:22:07

So sorry mumblechum

timelytess Mon 30-Nov-15 21:30:36

My mum died in March 2014 and I still find myself thinking 'I must phone mum, I haven't spoken to her for ages..'
My dd has been seriously ill this year, close to death. She's had an operation and is much, much better. I wanted to talk to my mum about it all. She was a bugger, my mum, but she listened intently when I was talking about my baby, and she wasn't afraid to listen to my fears.
I'm not an 'Oh, I miss my mum!' person, but I do. In some ways, I do.

FadedRed Mon 30-Nov-15 21:37:30

DM died last January.
Keep seeing stuff I would have got her for Christmas.
My DC (her only 'loss' grandchild) getting married soon.
Want to tell her alla bout it as I know she would have loved all the planning and seeing the dress, and my outfit and everything.
Breaking my heart when I should be so excited.
Trying to keep this to myself so as not to it a damper on everything.
flowers to you all.

FadedRed Mon 30-Nov-15 21:40:10

Loss? Wtf? Should be blood as opposed to step grandchild.

ALemonyPea Mon 30-Nov-15 21:43:11

flowers for everyone this Christmas time.

It's DHs first Christmas without either of his parents, MIL passed away in June (posted on here as Raincorn) and DFIL has been gone 7 years. Going to be a tough one for him.

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