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Lighthearted thread....life with my elderly relative.

(41 Posts)
Helenluvsrob Sat 24-Oct-15 22:41:14

I think need to write a book called " the cake and loo review "!

Now it cooler the only thing dad and I seem to do is go anywhere that provides a little wheel round, tea, cake and hoping the disabled loo is properly accessible ! Webbs gets 10/10 for both, and a bonus point for not minding us sharing a pit of tea, he doesn't drink much when out.

On the other hand, the cinema was a dead loss ! He got fed up after an hour and it was too dark to get out safely. Seemed like a good plan though...

CMOTDibbler Sun 25-Oct-15 15:29:49

When my mum was still interested in going out we did the same thing - and its not many years at all that we were wheeling her mum round every garden centre within the driving limit of her bladder.

thesandwich Tue 27-Oct-15 22:35:15

Another one here with an encyclopaedic knowledge of garden centres/ craft centres/ coffee shops with level access and loos plus milky coffee within 20 min access... Loos not such an issue yet.... ( for dm not me- yet....??)

ZaZathecat Wed 28-Oct-15 19:26:58

I have to amuse myself listening to the same story becoming more outlandish each time I hear it (dementia in dm). It will begin with someone saying 'no thanks, I don't really like Battenburg' and a few days later that same person actually took the cake and 'threw it in my face!'. You have to laugh or you'd cry!

CMOTDibbler Wed 28-Oct-15 20:12:22

grin Zaza. My mum doesn't talk anymore, but Dad is a master of exaggeration and as he phones me everyday to talk at me, I get the same story over and over with a bit more embellishment each time.

Helenluvsrob Mon 02-Nov-15 00:19:24

Zaza and CMOT I recognise that! I miss it too. Dad lost the ability to tell his repetitive stories quite suddenly after a hospital admission in January ( I assume another vascular deterioration in his dementia). He still speaks though, and interestingly it's generally appropriate but, is really interesting as it can really talk without content a bit like computers talking. Each phrase is socially appropriate but ....

For instance every cake is delicious and almost every time it is " the best ever" ...

CMOTDibbler Mon 02-Nov-15 07:13:27

Ah yes, the scripted talking. For a while mum associated any medical appointment with her knee, and would launch into the same script which could not be deviated from. An enquiry about 'friends' would trigger one about what had been her social group.

Its one of the stages of loosing your language apparently - mum has massive damage in her speech/language areas.

icouldjusteatacroissant Thu 05-Nov-15 19:44:06

My mum has dementia. Her psychiatrist asked her if she would take some medication to help her memory, and she said she'd let him know when she's asked her doctor!

Helenluvsrob Thu 05-Nov-15 20:20:26

Icould that's so funny!

I have a little giggle to myself every time we have dealings with the dementia clinic - how many forget appointments or just turn up when they feel it's the right time ? Must be a nightmare setting appointments with people who can't remember!

icouldjusteatacroissant Thu 05-Nov-15 20:32:02

I have wondered the same Helen. They sent my mum an appointment, and I only knew because they sent it to me too. I decided to test her out. She said she'd got the appointment, so I told her to write it on the ca!endar, she kept forgetting of course, and in the end she forgot they'd sent her an appointment in the first place!

Helenluvsrob Fri 06-Nov-15 22:55:05

Oh dear - my dad is a terrible enabler ! Am snuggled up under a very jolly Xmas duvet cover he spotted in m&s smile

( we have brand new one that opened on Wednesday. I can say the access/ disabled loos - even right or left hand transfer ones - are brilliant. Sadly the cafe only rates just ok - and overly expensive ! )

I can see many visits in the future as its 3 mins drive and I don't think we even finished looking at the Xmas stuff. That made dad smile a lot smile

LapsedPacifist Sun 22-Nov-15 15:43:01

Oh I must join this one! We live with my 87 year old mum who has mild vascular dementia and short-term memory loss. We plan all our trips out around disabled loo access - fortunately both the local garden centres have lovely lifts up the the tea-rooms and loos!

I manage all her medical appointments now. We went to the memory clinic a few weeks ago and she kept asking me in the car where we were going. Every time I told her she roared with laughter - I'm so glad she still has her sense of humour! smile.

thesandwich Sun 22-Nov-15 17:08:46

Hello lapsed! Great to hear your dm has her sense of humour!

Helenluvsrob Mon 23-Nov-15 12:25:19

Lapsed that's funny!

We did M+S prosecco bar at the weekend. dad had tea and a couple of inches of my proscecco from a tea cup. I think he gets his own next time! Apparently " it really warms you up"!!

kansasmum Wed 13-Jan-16 21:36:25

Recent phone all from my mum did make me giggle, it went like this:

DM: " what have you done with all my pants"?!!
Me: " Er nothing....what do you mean?.
DM: " I've lost all my pants"
Me: have you looked in the airingcupboard/ have they fallen off the shelf"?
DM: " I'm not stupid, of course I've looked there.....you must have taken them
Me: no I've not moved them, have you thrown them out by mistake ( she wears Tena pants at night)
DM "of course not, dont be ridiculous! Well I'm having to go commando until you can go and buy me more pants!!!!

My mother is 88, very 'proper' and would never ever not wear pants!!!
I rushed out and bought 3 multipacks of pants!
Turns out after a bit of investigation by me she HAD thrown them out with the Tena pants! I wasn't about to fish them out though!!
She still maintains my sister and I stole her pants! I'm size 18 my sister 14 and my mum a 10- plus I don't go in for massive granny pants!!!!

Upwiththisiwillnotput Wed 13-Jan-16 23:41:39

MIL to room full of people in her care home - "How do you spell dementia?" She didn't get a response. As they all have dementia. Surreal!

Helenluvsrob Thu 14-Jan-16 22:02:38

Upwiththis that is brilliantly surreal!

It's up there with the scheduled activities in dads care home. The list includes "Wednesday 2pm- quiz night"

😄😄😄😄😄

They have dementia , I think declaring 2pm " night " isn't helping , but heck what does the quiz involve - where is your room? Would you like a biscuit ?

Heck most of thrn couldn't tell you their names!

Upwiththisiwillnotput Thu 14-Jan-16 23:14:27

I would love to be a fly on the wall at that quiz "night"!! Haha!!

Upwiththisiwillnotput Sat 16-Jan-16 21:03:34

The latest: she wants to start smoking again! She is 81 and has COPD, but her reasoning is "well I am going to die anyway, may as well enjoy a fag!"

Upwiththisiwillnotput Sat 16-Jan-16 21:07:46

And I can't argue with that!

Helenluvsrob Sun 17-Jan-16 08:47:10

Indeed you cannot. Fortunately the constrains re smoking indoors and safety around smoke alarms are likely to stop her.

Is she likely to forget she asked, or keep on about it?

soninlaw Mon 18-Jan-16 02:40:37

visited FIL mid afternoon (for the second time that day) who's in a care home temporarily.
He said he'd like me to come back in with wife (his daughter) at 7pm.
I said "i might not be able to make in tonight"
he replied "OK - 10 past 7 would be fine"

btw - we went in at 7pm

Upwiththisiwillnotput Wed 20-Jan-16 18:14:18

Oh dear! DMIL has issues with times and dates as well. She seems to have forgotten about the smoking although who knows what's next - dropping an e and going clubbing? Crack den a la breaking bad?!!

Nydj Fri 22-Jan-16 11:12:53

These are great - love the '10 past 7 would be fine'! I can't think of any at the moment though.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 24-Jan-16 21:20:24

grin at these.
I am going to visit my DParents this week (after the Christmas Night visit to A&E ).

My main aim is to help declutter so things are less disorganised.
I've already instructed DDad to buy in a skip some binbags and we'll take as much as possible to the charity shop and the dump for the rest . DDad is all in favour, my DMum will be fine when we get going, I think the first step is the most overwhelming.

WRT toilets- it's me that needs to keep a mental 'map' of loos, I have diverticular disease.

But yes, wherever we go "Do you want a cup of tea" is No 1 priority.

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