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Another "going on holiday" question..?

(4 Posts)
KatieLatie Sat 08-Aug-15 19:20:10


We are due to go on holiday on friday. We live in the UK, but husband's family live in the US (including his 91 year old Grandma): so we are going to visit them. We have a 5 year old son - so trips are restricted to school holidays.

My Mum lives about 1hr from us in the UK. Late 70s. I am effectively an only child - half siblings, but no binding connection to my mum. She was diagnosed with breast cancer around Easter. Started Chemo about 8 weeks ago. We booked our holiday when the Consultant had planned another treatment (initially 4/6 months of a much less aggressive hormone therapy). She is now due for her final chemo session (4 of 4) to start the Wednesday after we go (1.5 weeks before we return). This is supposedly her final chemo session before they move on to surgery and/or radiotherapy.

Her response to treatment has been fairly "well managed": she has had ups and downs, but it could have been a lot worse. She is just coming off of a rough week now and is feeling down. Have offered for her to come and stay with us or me with her, but she has declined. I go and visit when she wants (once a week during the good weeks and go to Consultant appointments with her - she now has the chemo at home) and phone her every day. During the bad days she generally doesn't want to talk long. She doesn't want physical company during the bad days - she just wants to "be alone and get through it". One of her neighbours is a great help, but will also be away the next two weeks (son's wedding). I have tried to get her to rope in other relations (her cousins), but she is incredibly reluctant. She has cut her brother out of her life completely. I have also researched professional support, but she is also reluctant. She will not seek emotional support from the various support groups etc around.

She is now telling me that she doesn't want to do another cycle. If she could put her next cycle back until both her neighbour and I are back from holiday, then she might do it, but the consultant wont put the cycle back by 2 weeks (he might by 1 week).

I am currently wondering if I should cancel my holiday, to sit at home to be the other end of a phone line. So far, there have been no emergencies. She doesn't seem to have physical need of me, but I think that she is concerned that I wont be around incase she needs me and doesn't feel able to rely on anyone else.

Thoughts? Advice?

twentyten Sat 08-Aug-15 20:51:01

Might sound tough- but I say go. She has options- you can still phone her- but this trip can be rescheduled for ages.

CMOTDibbler Mon 10-Aug-15 17:03:35

I say go too. She can't hold her not finishing her chemo over you - after all, you can still phone her.

KatieLatie Wed 12-Aug-15 16:52:56

Thank you very much.

We are going. Have negotiated a week delay in the next Chemo session and everyone is happy smile

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