Parents Moving House? Arrgg??(2 Posts)
My parents were tickety boo until about 3 years ago. My Dad had a stroke and pretty much made a full recovery (though he gets very tired now). A year ago my mother suddenly got very ill and it turned out to be kidney problems.. Anyhow a nightmare for a year and I wont bore you with the various hospital cock ups etc etc. A year on she has had her kidney removed and that seems much better. However since about 3 months ago she has had increasing numbness in both feet and legs. Now she has no feeling in either legs below the knee or feet. Like NO FEELING whatsoever (I accidentally was standing on her foot and she did not notice... I weigh 12 stone!!). Via a private consultant she is seeing for something else she had an MRI scan and they have said there is some swelling on her brain so she has been referred to a major hospital. This was about 3 weeks ago. It has taken 3 weeks for my poor dad to go back and forth to the GP and finally get the correct referral. The neurosurgeon consultant is now on holiday...
My parents have lived in the same house for the last 20 years but it is very remote, on a steep hillside and has a massive garden (we are talking acres here). I live 15 mins away. I also have siblings but they live further away and each only visit twice a year or so (this could be the subject of another rant but I will leave that for another day...).
We have lived in our house 4 years and moved her to be nearer my parents. My Dad finally acknowledges that they need to move as he can see my mum has problems walking due to the numbness. My parents then wanted to move to a town which is 30 mins away from us. We have 2 small children and I usually work. I prefer they move to our village (not exciting I know but it does have a couple of shops, tea room, 2 pubs etc) so I can keep an eye on them, if necessarily on a daily basis. My Dad cannot cook and so my mum is in charge of all the cooking and I now notice my Dad is losing weight and I suspect it is the stress of my Mum being unwell but they may also not be eating properly (my mother has lost alot of weight due to her illness). They are too proud to have meals on wheels etc. When my mother was really ill I had to take time off work and ferry food to them on a daily basis..
So it seems the ideal would be a bungalow in our village. The snag is there aren't that many of them and currently none for sale and they need to sell their own house which has now been on the market for 2 years.
Am I reasonable to insist they move to our village so I can look in on them and if necessary feed them regularly? If they move to the town they wont know anyone and my mother will still be largely housebound (right now she is lonely). My husband suggests they rent in our village until they sell their house. My mother will not even view the only house in the village currently available for rent (she thinks the location is not good - on the high street opposite the pub).
I feel I am going in circles and losing my sanity. Everytime I take my eye off the ball with my parents something gets worse or they agree to something that's a bad idea.
Has anyone else had this struggle? they are fiercely independent and I want them to be happy but at the same time if they move too far away I will hardly ever have the time to see them let alone care for them. My feeling is they are not really thinking 'long term'.
unfortunately this is their decision to make and you can not insist on anything, you can only present your argument and leave the decision making up to them
my parents are also
stubborn fiercely independent and would consider where we live in relation to them as part of the decision making process as they wouldn't want any of us to view them as a burden -their view not ours!
it is hard watching them struggle but ultimately you have to leave them to it -unless you think they need some input from adult social services?
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