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Elderly father who drinks too much - need advice from others

(5 Posts)
clottedcreamteawithscone Wed 22-Jul-15 19:57:26

in a nutshell Father is 83 parents divorced, mostly lives on own (my brother is a lorry driver and is only at home on a weekend and does everything for him), had surgery 4 years ago for lung cancer where they took part of his lung away, was a heavy smoker for years and liked a drink of whisky.

Health has deteriorated over the last few years, can hardly walk has a wheeled frame, carers come morning to help with bed making, light household duties and help with breakfast, evening they come in around bedtime to make sure he is safely in bed.

Nowdays he drinks beer and whisky from 1pm for a couple of hours, sleeps for an hour then drinks whisky again till around 9pm. Most nights he is drunk and unstable on his feet. Many times he's fallen and paramedics have been called to help lift him, on occasions he has been to hospital for cuts, infection etc...

He is in denial and wont admit he drinks too much, he doesnt dress in the mornings and sits in his pjs dressing gown all day. He is drinking nearly 2L bottles of whisky a week.

It's got to the point now that it really is a problem, I understand that it started with boredom and being housebound so one drink leads to another to relieve the boredom but it really is a problem.

He tells the carers to go at night and says he will get himself to bed - he goes literally 10 mins later and most nights he is drunk and often falls which then leads to the personal alarm being activated and me or siblings alerted.

Please can someone give me some advice on how the hell to handle this.

Other than saying we are not buying him anymore drink but he would ask others, friends, neighbours etc, to get it Im sure

amothersplaceisinthewrong Wed 22-Jul-15 20:00:17

I think you need social services involved. This man is a vulnerable adult....

And everyone needs to stop buying him drink - you need to alert his friendsd and neighbours.

clottedcreamteawithscone Wed 22-Jul-15 20:01:29

What can social services do?! Im scared that they will take the care package away

whataboutbob Thu 23-Jul-15 20:15:43

I am not sure what to say but I think you need professional help. You are in the same situation as other children of alcoholic parents- not sure how far to challenge them, afraid it'll get worse and come to a head, frustrated with your parent's behaviour. It is very tough on you and your brother. A first start might be to make an appointment for him with his GP, and just attend it yourself without him. Tell the GP exactly what's happening, say you understand the GP cannot disclose info to you, but you want them to know what's going on. Ask what services are available.
It's easy to say I know, but like the child of any alcoholic, you are not obliged to prop him up and you need to be mindful of your own stress levels.

flashbunny73 Fri 24-Jul-15 11:58:08

My husband's father was an alcoholic for many years and it killed him in the end. His partner kept buying him booze! But my husband refused and they had big arguments (including his Dad hitting him with his walking stick in Tescos!). So I don't envy your position. Certainly don't buy him booze or what about watering it down??!!
Going to his GP sounds a good suggestion. Atleast make others aware and share the emotional load. Good Luck XX

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