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What should I do?

(6 Posts)
RichPetunia Thu 28-May-15 07:36:07

My dad is now in frail health and it has become apparent he can no longer stay at home on his own. He is currently in hospital after a fall and I don't know what to do. Option 1 is for me to give up work and go stay with my dad, so becoming his carer. Option two is that he moves into retirement housing in my area (with daytime warden), I keep my job and responsibilities are shared with my sister. This is a huge dilemma as my dad has stayed in his home for over 50 years and he knows everywhere like the back of his hand. If he comes here, it is a rough area and I'd be worried about him hating it. Your advice is needed and welcome. Thanks.

FishWithABicycle Thu 28-May-15 07:41:15

How far away is your area from his? Could it work to move him to retirement housing closer to where he is now, or at least a less rough area? How much caring work work be needed? Could you pay for some of it?

Timeforabiscuit Thu 28-May-15 07:44:58

I don't have direct experience of this, but does he have any carers visit him in his home? Is he able to prepare meals and wash himself? Would a home help be enough support for him?

Depending on the area there are alert schemes available where people wear a pendant and press a button if they need help.

It sounds like a huge shock for both of you, but perhaps speak with your father first before considering care home or living with you.

Hth

whattodoforthebest2 Thu 28-May-15 07:51:10

What does he want to do, OP? IME many elderly people don't want to admit they can't cope and so go on trying to live independently for as long as possible - understandably. This can be very trying and demanding for close family, but if that's what they want, who's to say otherwise?

How old is he? How capable is he of managing the basics on his own? If he were in sheltered housing, he might still feel able to live independently but with the added backup of a warden if required. If he's anything like my Dad was, he'll feel like a burden on you if you give up your job to care for him.

Perhaps go and look at sheltered housing near where he is now and see what you think, then take him, just out of curiosity, so that he can see what it's like? Without any obligation.

RichPetunia Thu 28-May-15 07:55:40

Carers and nurses go in when he is at home. He has a pendant. The only reason he would be moving here would be to make everything easier for me and my sister. If he went in somewhere where he stays at the moment it would still mean lots of journeys back and forth (I don't drive). Thanks for comments so far.

twentyten Thu 28-May-15 22:09:14

Would it be worth discussing with someone like age UK? Do not sacrifice your life. Do you have family? What care will he need? Is us short term or long term? thanksthanks To you.

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