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So does one never drink then with elder parents?

(8 Posts)
Theas18 Sat 27-Dec-14 02:16:32

Have started another thread for hand holding but just had a really unexpected phone call - dad has had a fall in respite they are sending him to a&e and I need to meet him there.

Now normally I'm 90 mins away. As it happens I'm 3hrs away. I have also had an amount of alcohol that'll put me over the limit to drive at least for few hours.

I've read the " don't get drunk if you have sole care of a small child" threads but " don't drink if you posess a dependent parent?? Clearly that's the expectation from the home.


CMOTDibbler Sat 27-Dec-14 15:56:22

I've had that so many times from the hospital when I phone up to find out what is going on 'oh, you'll have to come in' - which when I'm 90 mins away with a job and 8 year old just isn't possible every time they end up there.

Doesn't stop me feeling bad though.

How is your dad doing?

Theas18 Sat 27-Dec-14 16:10:53

Replied on the other thread - in summary ok re fall. Being treated for " respiratory infection" not sure if that means definitely has infection or its a reaction a slightly " vetinary" admission ie old person, had a fall, no other history available - most likely cause might be infection so let's cover it ( actually he falls often and bounces relatively well - it's a balance thing)

whataboutbob Sat 27-Dec-14 16:11:44

Sorry to hear about this Theas18. You must be really fed up. I didn't really have a Christmas, went to my Dad's who has Alzheimers, lives with bro who has mental illness. Really I was a carer cum cleaner for 48 hours until DH and kids came to rescue me on boxing day. Today I am just vegging out and not even trying to challenge my 2 boys' techno addiction for once.
Unfortunately with elderly dependent parents we are hostages to fortune. I hope things get easier for you.

Needmoresleep Sat 27-Dec-14 23:22:11

All I can do is offer wine wine wine and hope New Year is easier with family time with your children.

offtoseethewizard64 Sun 28-Dec-14 14:17:47

You cannot put your whole life on hold just in case.
I'm afraid I don't agree with those who say "don't drink if you are looking after a small child" either. There is a difference between being drunk or even tipsy when in charge of a child and having had a couple fo drinks which renders you over the driving limit. I would never do the former, but if I had always done the latter then I wouldn't have drunk very much for the last 20 years.

I have a severely disabled 20 years old DD who can become ill very quickly. I do not live my life on the basis that an emergency could happen in the next 2 hours - even though there is a high possibility that it could. I just deal with it the best way I can if/when things happen.
I also have my 86 yo DM who is 80 min drive away. She is frail and prone to falls and has a weak heart. She lives alone and I visit every couple of weeks, but when she was taken to hospital in an ambulnce a couple of months ago, I couldn't be there and neither could my brother as he was at work (caring for someone else). She was safe and being looked after and not about to die so I just told the hospital I would get there when I could, which happened to be the next day (because I had to look after DD not because I had been drinking).

I have also been abroad on holiday when DD has been in respite and rushed into hospital. Whilst I felt bad devsatated and just wanted to be there it was not practical for me to get to her in a short space of time and she was still well looked after by the carers from the respite home.

If your DF is in a home then it is the home's responsibility to be with him and ensure he is getting the treatment he should be getting. They should send someone with him and not leave him until you are able to get there - at a time that suits you. They are being paid to care for him. I have observed a number of times when DD has been in hospital, patients from homes who should have 1:1 care because of dementia. The hospital don't have the staff to cope or provide that level of care and the home keep well away which is so wrong imo as the patient is very confused and needs someone familiar to reassure them.

But in answer to your question, no you cannot be expected to never drink just because you have elderly parents. And I would be asking questions about how he managed to fall in their care. hmm

Theas18 Sun 28-Dec-14 20:26:15

Thanks all.
The home is respite rather than long term but I reckon they should have sent someone in with him.
As to how he fell - he just does. I assume he got up to the loo and just fell.

Unfortunately he's now got diarrhoea - hopefully due to the antibiotic but he can go back yet as the home has d&v too. He's looking quite chipper today but I think will be improved as I had to do a mercy dash to get his teeth and hearing aid to him. How could they send him without ��

twentyten Sun 28-Dec-14 22:07:42

Sending thanks and wine. You cannot keep your life on hold. Hope he is ok.

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