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A moan, MIL and her need to make Christmas awkward

(3 Posts)
Rainicorn Thu 25-Dec-14 17:52:45

She has done it every year for the past 4 years, I sort of hoped she wouldn't this year, but how wrong I was.

Quick background for those who don't know it, MIL was hospitalised for 6 months, came out and has a team of carers as unable to do anything herself, she should be in a care home but she is refusing.

She called at 12:45 last night, or this morning, whichever way you look at it. The reason, her carers who had left at 20:30 had attached her catheter bag too tight and was slightly cutting off the circulation to her leg. She couldn't reach herself. She had already called the district nurse who was coming over after her current job finished within half an hour but that wasn't good enough and she wanted DH to go down, wake her elderly. Neighbour up for the key as she had ours and come sort her out. Obviously DH refused and she slammed the phone down.

After we got up with the DC and did presents DH called her and SH slammed the phone again. Half an hour later I called, wished her a merry Christmas and asked her if she would like a sausage/bacon sandwich brought down as DH was about to start cooking them. She did, so,told her we would be down once they were cooked.

15 minutes later she called shouting down the phone demanding where we were, what the hell we were doing and that her carers where there waiting for her to have her breakfast before getting her up. For the record, she doesn't usually have breakfast in bed, she gets dressed and is moved into the living room.

DH took her food down, she was all sweetness and light, put on a right show of caring mother in front of her carers, as he was leaving she asked when I was doing her food shopping as she had nothing in for her tea for today and tomorrow. I had told her three times since Monday I'd be doing her shopping Saturday. We took her a Christmas Dinner down earlier and she is coming to ours tomorrow for tea, so no tea food needed, she knows this.

We took DC down to see her and give her some gifts. She did her usual "lovely but I'd have preferred it in yellow, very nice but I prefer milk chocolate/x brand" and threw a strop when we wouldn't take a box of choc liquors she didn't want but had been given as a gift herself.

We went to my mams for dinner, when we returned there were 17 missed calls from her on our home phone. The urgency, she wanted a cup of tea and her carers weren't due for an hour. She is left a flask but wanted a hotter cup.

I am getting fed up with her down and our rudeness, with her constant demands and with her lack of appreciation for anything we do for her. You would have thought at Christmas she would give us a slight break. We visit almost every day, I cook for her as often as I can (she doesn't like "foreign food") and I try to do things within reason when she asks.

DH is going to call her SW in the new year and ask what is happening as she really does need to be in a care home, even temporarily until she gets the use of her legs back again.

Gosh, sorry this is a bit long, well done for reading it all if you did and marry Christmas

LaurieFairyCake Thu 25-Dec-14 17:58:35

Well if she was always like this, she's just 'difficult'

If she wasn't then she's clearly struggling with not getting every need met immediately.

Either way you have to ditch the guilt and put boundaries round your time.

And you have to remember that it is clearly not possible to please her, so stop trying and only give what you feel able to or want to.

GothMummy Thu 25-Dec-14 18:08:28

Oh I think shes in a horrible situation, it must be so scary to be on your own and scared if your catheter bag is wrong or if you just want a cuppa and cant get one yourself.

Thats not to say that I think she is allowed to be so horrible to you all, but it does sound like a bad situation and that she would be better in a nursing home

You all sound very caring and dutiful, this must be so hard on you all.

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