My MIL moved into a care home after a stroke earlier this year. In the home, she has two carers assist her to get dressed and go to the toilet using a hoist. They use a hoist to transfer her between her wheelchair, seating and bed.
We live 50 miles away from her care home and she wants to spend Christmas day with us. I can understand this completely; it seems so grim the thought of spending xmas in the care home. We are due to spend Boxing day at a restaurant near her care home with other family members -- but she still wants to see us on Christmas day.
I wondered whether other people have been in a similar situation and how they managed it?
I have looked into hiring a wheelchair accessible car to get her to us. But then there's still the issue of needing to go to the toilet. So, I figured that I might be able to borrow a commode and hoist from the home but would my husband & I manage to help her alone? Just not sure if that's sensible. So I looked at hiring a carer for the day to assist us. So far, costs for car hire and carer (minimum of 8 hours) would result in spending £300-£400! She could cover this cost but is (understandably) worried about spending this on one day and suggested that my husband and I could get her in and out of her wheelchair and into our regular car. I've said that I'd be worried about seating her in the car with out the wheelchair as she can't support one side of her body one side is pretty much paralysed and even in the wheelchair, it's hard to keep her upright. Aside from which I'm not sure if I would be endangering her life by doing this and whether there are laws that cover this!
My husband and I are pretty 'can do' people and relatively physically strong — I just don't want to be reckless! Would love to know if anyone has any experience of managing a similar situation and what's reasonable for us to do? I know we live in a health & safety culture and sometimes common sense goes out the window — but equally, I don't know whether what my MIL is suggesting is reasonable or not.
Sadly, my MIL can sometimes mistake our genuine concerns for us being unwilling. As a side issue but immensely irritating her own daughters have a "don't be so stupid" attitude to her requests to engage in family occasions (they said this to her when she wanted to attend a wedding in the summer). There is no expectation on them to have her at Xmas or overnight ever! Since my FIL died, she's always stayed with us at various times and at Xmas.
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Elderly parents
Options for having disabled MIL visit on Xmas day
30 replies
Honeycrumb · 10/11/2014 13:31
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