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(9 Posts)
bragmatic Tue 01-Apr-14 11:44:21

He's not that old. 77. Active until a stroke a month ago. I'm sorting a care home for him. He'll hate it. Shit, I'd hate it. I love him but I wish he'd died in his sleep. He's going to be so unhappy.

joanofarchitrave Tue 01-Apr-14 11:45:46


Is there any plan for rehab for him? The pathway in my county is stroke unit for the first week/two weeks, then some time in a rehab unit. Is he thought to be unlikely to recover? He seems very young to have no chance of any recovery?

bragmatic Tue 01-Apr-14 11:50:25

He's in rehab now and has been for a number of weeks. He's made good progress. He's now continent, for example. But he can't live on his own. He'll get around in a walking frame and need help with personal care. His deficits make in home care not an option.

bragmatic Tue 01-Apr-14 11:51:07

Just having bleak moment, really. It's nighttime here.

joanofarchitrave Tue 01-Apr-14 12:04:34


I really hope you find somewhere that will suit him. I visit nursing homes a lot as part of my job and yes, I can't say I would choose to go into most of them, but there are some ones that are good, and I have had quite a few people tell me they are happy living there.

Would sheltered accommodation be enough for him? Does he have communication problems?

bragmatic Tue 01-Apr-14 12:24:57

His speech is coming along ok. I'm not sure what sheltered accommodation is..? I'm in Australia. He could possibly go home if he had a (very able bodied) spouse.,. That way we could organise care visits every day. But he's single. It's just impossible to leave him alone at all for any length of time. He has a heart condition. So balancing that with the stroke medication is very tricky. So he needs to be somewhere where medical staff are available, and he can be supervised when he gets around. Balance / mobility is an issue.

If he gets in to the care home I've chosen, I'll be happy. The staff are lovely and the facilities are lovely. But I know he will still hate it and I don't blame him. They're all so old and frail. It's hard to see him in that light.

Thanks for listening. I know I'm doing the right thing. It's still awful though.

joanofarchitrave Tue 01-Apr-14 12:29:13

Sheltered accommodation is where people have small flats/bedsits and live alone there, but with help available on site. It sounds like he wouldn't cope with that level.

The only thing I would say is, it's still early days post-stroke. How is the care being funded - does he have to sell his house? Is it possible you could review the situation in four months or so?

bragmatic Tue 01-Apr-14 12:40:24

It all depends on the assessment tomorrow re funding. That's how it works here. If he is classed as high care then he won't have to sell. Low care means he will. We're hoping for low care as it will be a nicer environment for him. His mobility is high care, but he is fully continent. So it could go either way.

twentyten Tue 01-Apr-14 22:10:48

Good luck. It's so hard

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