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It's like banging my head against a brick wall...

(10 Posts)
DrMaybe Sun 16-Mar-14 19:37:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PixelAteMyFace Sun 16-Mar-14 19:42:52

Do you have siblings or other relatives who keep an eye on them? No useful advice, I'm afraid, but I didn't want to read and run, I really feel for you sad

DrMaybe Sun 16-Mar-14 19:54:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onetiredmummy Sun 16-Mar-14 20:08:32

Oh that must be hard, I'm so sorry.

Perhaps your parents aren't ignoring the issue, but are simply frightened to let any 3rd party know how how bad it is because they fear being split up or your mum being put into a home against her wishes. Hospital and SS are both powerful figures if you are elderly or feel afraid of things happening without your consent or you feel not in control .

They're not doing it to upset you. Your mum could have a mobile phone or an alarm that alerted you if she needed help and wasn't able to reach the phone when she is alone.

As its their decision to present a united front then there's not much you can do if they are both in sound mind.

onetiredmummy Sun 16-Mar-14 20:17:46

Also , and I'm sorry to bring this up but they may have an agreement between themselves about how your mum's remaining months are spent. My mum said that on no account did she want to be resuscitated and when it was her end she died then, not kept alive in a half life on machines in hospital.

Perhaps your parents have agreed on a non medical intervention position and to let things take their course and your mum remain at home . As its still illegal to assist a death then they may be protecting your dad from accusations of negligence by pretending not to understand.

I know it sounds far fetched and ridiculous but my family have form for taking people out of hospital and letting them die at home, and that's why it occurred to me.

Your parents love you and it may just be more complicated than them not realising but they fear anyone finding out, even you.

I hope you find strength xx

havewinewilltravel Sun 16-Mar-14 20:37:36

Hugs to you.
I too have elderly parents in a different country ... it is so difficult to deal with, isn't it?
I have no useful advice, I'm sorry, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in having to cope with this.
Best wishes to all of you xx

DrMaybe Mon 17-Mar-14 18:58:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

havewinewilltravel Mon 17-Mar-14 19:28:39

DrMaybe - I could have written your post. I have had exactly the same issue with my dad telling me he can't cope and then retreating into "we're fine" when I've started to get things in place to help, even to the point of accepting all the help the social worker and I arranged between us and then rejecting it all again a few weeks down the line!!

I too wish they lived closer but when I have said this my dad has told me "no, we chose to move to live here", which they did but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with now they are getting older.

Happily mine are now beginning to see that they can't carry on as they have been doing and have recently become much more accepting of help from external sources. I hope yours will eventually engage with a social worker ... it is a long slow process but I have managed to get to that stage with mine, thank goodness!

I hope you can stay strong and that you have someone irl to share this with - I'm an only but DH is a source of strength for me. Again, hugs and best wishes to you.

MooncupMadness Tue 18-Mar-14 17:45:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MooncupMadness Tue 18-Mar-14 17:46:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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