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Here but gone..

(18 Posts)
Flopsygrowsup Sun 23-Feb-14 13:35:04

Just spoke to my Mum ... She cares for my Dad who has Lewy body dementia and Parkinson's. she is exhausted as Dad was up 4 times in the night wanting to go shopping. He has only been back from respite care for 2weeks. She can't carry on and won't get help. Not only have I lost my Dad to dementia but also my Mum she is so stressed it has changed her from a positive, active, organised, kind woman. I hate it both my parents have gone. Yesterday they didn't watch the 6 nations match because Dad thought rugby was boring I cannot begin to tell you how profound that and the need to go shopping is.... He hated hated shopping and was the most devoted rugby fan.... He is not my Dad anymore. Mum cries all the time, makes snipey comments, struggles to make decisions and is illogical....she was always the driving force in their relationship...She is not my Mum anymore. Part of me wants them to die they are so so unhappy. I love and miss the real them so much

DorothyGherkins Sun 23-Feb-14 13:40:01

I m so sad for you Flopsy. It's not what you would wish for your parents. It's really hard to witness, isn't it. And the helplessness is awful too, knowing whatever you can do to assist, doesnt make much difference.

Flopsygrowsup Sun 23-Feb-14 13:48:44

Thank you. It is heartbreaking isn't it

DorothyGherkins Sun 23-Feb-14 14:35:08

I know you said your mum wont get help, but is that really her final decision? She can't go on like this indefinitely, can she, she'll wear herself out -that generation seems to hate asking for help.

Flopsygrowsup Sun 23-Feb-14 14:44:43

My sister brother and her best friend and I have all tried to persuade her but she won't I think a&e is putting of the inevitable and also feels that marriage is for better or worse come what may.

DorothyGherkins Sun 23-Feb-14 15:55:26

Yes, it's a really difficult decision all round isnt it. I think you can do your best to help out -and there is very little else you can do - its really unsatisfactory isnt it.

Flopsygrowsup Sun 23-Feb-14 17:32:50

I suspect something will tip them over I just hope it isn't too serious

DorothyGherkins Sun 23-Feb-14 17:38:11

Stuff always seems to get sorted somehow eventually - but at times like these, you really cant see how. Hope things dont get any tougher for you and your mum and dad.

Flopsygrowsup Sun 23-Feb-14 17:48:24

Thanks for your support

Flopsygrowsup Tue 11-Mar-14 23:04:13

So the tipping point came yesterday Dad fell out of bed and was doubly incontinent. Luckily he didn't get hurt. After much emotion and tears Mum has finally agreed that Dad needs full time residential care and Mumhas arranged a place, a very sad moment but absolutely the right thing.

Needmoresleep Tue 11-Mar-14 23:54:36

Sad. However she will know she has done all she can. I hope the move goes well.

Flopsygrowsup Tue 11-Mar-14 23:57:02

Thanks - She doesn't believe that yet but hopefully she willxxx

Scarletohello Wed 12-Mar-14 00:00:54

Floppy I can really relate to your situation as 4 years ago my mum had a stroke at the age of 77 which left her paralysed, unable to speak or swallow food. She never recovered and had to go into a nursing home until 3 weeks ago when she died peacefully. My dad had dementia and I was his cater for the last year. It's a horrid illness as they aren't really 'there' any more and is v stressful and frustrating for those around them. It was when he was falling over and getting up wandering round the house 4 times a night that I realised I couldn't cope with it anymore and eventually found a home for him

I felt really guilty but it was the right decision. He's gone but your mum can still have a good life and he can be safe and well looked after. Very very hard tho.

Flopsygrowsup Wed 12-Mar-14 06:26:41

Scarletohello I am sorry about your parents too and so sorry your Mum has died. Dementia, neurological and stroke for that matter are so poorly understood and not given the "value" cancers are but they are as devastating and in many cases worse

Trooperslane Wed 12-Mar-14 06:40:01

Oh flopsysad

My Mum has Lewey body too. It is horrific

At least your Mum has been able to see sense. It must have been so hard for her.

Flopsygrowsup Wed 12-Mar-14 23:04:28

Troopers - sorry about your Mum. Mum has found a nice place for Dad. He will go in a few days after his birthday. So obviously Dad the best day he has had for months

miggygreene Mon 24-Mar-14 06:54:50

You should give your mom a rest and hire someone to look after your father. You will definitely loose the two of them if you'll only watch your mom and not helping her out.

TheArticFunky Mon 24-Mar-14 09:27:47

Miggy - have you actually read the thread?

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