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Elderly parents

Elderly parents in law

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Littleham · 07/10/2013 14:45

Hi

My parents in law have had bad health issues (strokes, severe Parkinson's) and episodes in and out of hospital, due to the fact that they fall a lot. The last time they insisted on going home, despite the fact they were not coping before (mouldy food, house not well designed for disability etc.)
Against all advice they went home & so my husband arranged for a team of carers (as they live 300 miles away from us & will not move closer). They have now dismissed the carers and are making emotional blackmail comments eg. oh it's my long lost son, your sister has been amazing.... (even though it is only ever my husband that rings them, not the other way round).
My husband works all hours and we have four children - he is completely exhausted. He goes over about once a month, which is what his job, kids, finances allow. He rings them twice a week - but this is never enough.
I rang father in law to point this out, but got a bad reaction. Any advice?

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amothersplaceisinthewrong · 09/10/2013 18:35

I have no advice as such, but you have my sympathies. I would say nothing else and take no notice of what they say either.

Make sure DH and his sister have power of attorney so that when a crisis happens they can act.

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Littleham · 09/10/2013 20:40

Thank you. Had already decided not to say any more.

Luckily, the one sensible thing that my parents in law did (when the Parkinson's was diagnosed four years ago, was to set up Power Attorney, which is just as well because the strokes / dementia/ Parkinson's has rendered them both incapable of dealing with finances). My DH and his sister do all this for them now.
It is such a shame that they tried to cling on to four bedroom family home, miles away from children.
The good news is that they rang DH tonight to say that thy are going to look at a sheltered flat (with dining room / meals provided). Apparently going home has not worked out as they hoped. Fingers crossed! It is still 300 miles away, but at least they would have help if they fall.