Talk

Advanced search
Affected by Dementia? We have a new Talk topic specifically for Dementia, please do pop over and take a look

Visit the Dementia Talk topic

Of everything, why is it this that has me in tears?

(17 Posts)
CMOTDibbler Wed 15-May-13 12:33:06

Its my ds's 7th birthday on Monday. Mum has always been the one to do cards, so I reminded dad and asked him to send a card.

One arrived today in mums handwriting (such as it is now), but not with the right name on it. So I slit it open to check.

And its written to the wrong name, and signed from Aunty mumsname and Uncle dadsname. I burst into tears.

I knew she'd lost dh's name, but that shes lost ds's and the relationship is just such a kicker.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 15-May-13 12:49:13

I am so sorry, no wonder you are upset. I don't know what to say, but this vile illness is so cruel.

Needmoresleep Wed 15-May-13 12:52:47

Awful. Poor you. It is an inch by inch bereavement.

ajandjjmum Wed 15-May-13 13:08:06

That must be so hard for you. I'm so sorry.

CMOTDibbler Wed 15-May-13 13:56:41

I had a terrible dilemma too - should I tell dad or not. And I did - he nearly cried too. Said he didn't think to check it, but even as she wrote the envelope the 'address book wouldn't tell her the address' though she had the right page open.

Now I need to get someone to write him a card from them - he gets very few as it is as we don't have much actual family. Hopefully my cleaner will step into the breech as usual. She is the granny he doesn't have tbh

elastamum Wed 15-May-13 13:59:43

Poor you sad. My late mum used to get confused and worry whether she had sent cards. One year DS2 got 2 cards each with £20 in!

I didnt have the heart to tell her she had sent two smile

Needmoresleep Wed 15-May-13 14:31:33

That has just happened to us. Offered to give one set back. Mum lucid enough to suggest we held onto it for Christmas and acknowledge that by then she would have forgotten.

CMOTDibbler Wed 15-May-13 14:40:04

Before mum gave up on Amazon, I managed to get three copies of the same book one birthday. Fortunatly I was able to find happy homes for them.

whataboutbob Wed 15-May-13 18:24:40

It is really awful, the relentless stripping back of someone's memory until they lose virtually all sense of the things that made their life what it was. Dad's going through it, he asked me the other day for how long he'd known me. I thinkhe'sforgetting my mum ( she died 18 years ago). He wil be asking for his grandmother before long as she brought him up and was probably the love of his life.
I went through the process of witnessing my grandfather's decline which ended 6 years ago when he died. I am now starting to remember him at least sometimes as he was before illness engulfed him.

ssd Wed 15-May-13 21:08:07

am, sorry op. I'd send your ds a card!

am in the same position in having hardly any family to send the kids birthday cards, gp's all gone now sad

I remember the year before my mum died, I had to phone her up and remind her it was my birthday, she didn't have dementia but she was elderly and frail

life is just so sad sometimes

ssd Wed 15-May-13 21:10:07

and then on my last birthday the only thing I got through the post was mums funeral bill

I must have been bad in a previous life

(sorry for hijack)

Theas18 Wed 15-May-13 21:13:08

Have a hug. Happy to send a card too.

Mintyy Wed 15-May-13 21:15:08

Every sympathy to you CMOT. Hope your ds has a fine birthday anyway. Is it any comfort to think that he and your dmum did have a relationship, that they were around to know each other for several years?

WynkenBlynkenandNod Wed 15-May-13 21:20:48

I'm sorry CMOT and everyone else who has gone or going through it. It is a horrible horrible thing to have to deal with. I hope the cleaner does send one in future. We have two neighbours who are stepping into the breach as out of 3 Grandparents, only one sends cards to the DC's. I was gutted last year when Mum forgot my birthday.

SSD, I can only imagine what that must have been like sad

sallysparrow157 Wed 15-May-13 21:24:14

My grandmother, who was incredibly well until recently when she was desperately ill has very suddenly started being not quite right. Was my birthday last weekend and she wrote the card in English and not adressed to anyone. I've never spoken English to her. I don't think my parents quite know how bad she is getting as they see her every day and I don't. I've not told anyone and I've not put the card up cos I don't want anyone to see. Denial.

CMOTDibbler Wed 15-May-13 21:37:41

Thanks everyone - I have roped in a colleague to post a card. In future I will be organised with a Moonpig card so it comes in the post.

Unfortunatly, ds has never really had a relationship with mum - her dementia became apparent when he was a toddler, and I don't think he'll ever remember her as anything but this. Not that he isn't fond of her, but its not having a grandparent.

SSD, that is awful sad

ssd Thu 16-May-13 08:05:31

you know, I did feel awful about it for ages, till recently a girl at work said maybe that was my mum still trying to send me something on my birthday..who knows, but made me feel a bit better.

I'm so sorry for all the girls here suffering the slow loss of your mums from this awful disease, my heart goes out to you all xx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now