Advanced search
Affected by Dementia? We have a new Talk topic specifically for Dementia, please do pop over and take a look

Visit the Dementia Talk topic

Being an only child sucks

(36 Posts)
MrsWhirling Wed 27-Feb-13 10:08:39

I wish I had a sibling who could help me care for my lovely elderly parents. My mum has an important appointment at the hospital this morning & I cant be with her due to having a newborn baby. English isn't their first language & I'm worried they Wong fully understand what is being said. Feel so sad no-one else could help me to care for them now. Sorry to vent. Just that really xx

skyblue11 Fri 31-May-13 11:06:54

Hi Numberlock, no I don't and I work as well, in fact my job was insecure and I managed to do really well and get myself another job which I was really pleased about as it was much more secure, better money and conditions but I actually turned it down due to the inflexibility. I need flexitime and term time to do all I have to, looking back to when I turned down the offer given what's happened this week it was probably for the best but I still feel sad I couldn't do it.

RockinD Sat 08-Jun-13 20:28:54

MIL is currently in hospital. DH went straight there from work when she was admitted and will visit as often as he can, but missed today because he is working. BIL has not been to hospital or phoned and SIL couldn't go this afternoon because she was going shopping. They both go and see her once a week at home, but as soon as there's a crisis, DH has to sort it out.

It doesn't seem to matter how many there are in the family, this stuff usually comes down to one person.

ssd Wed 19-Jun-13 08:58:42

thats very true rockinD, and IME when the elderly parent dies the person who did everything then has to grieve alone as no one else is too bothered

whataboutbob Thu 20-Jun-13 13:17:23

But the weirdest thing is- it s often the child who does the most who is the brunt of the parents' frustrations. Whereas the one who does least is often seen as the golden child. I think it s because they don t get associated with all the unpleasant stuff that has to be done, and so allow the ailing parent to preserve their self image- themselves as they were before they got old and I'll.

ssd Thu 20-Jun-13 22:41:23

yes that can happen whataboutbob, I was lucky it never happened to me, that would make the pressure worse

allnewtaketwo Thu 20-Jun-13 22:46:10

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum

But being an only child has nothing to do with it. I live hundreds of miles away from my parents and wouldn't be any help at all to my brother if he was in the same situation as you.

Similarly my dad recently had to real with his elderly father, and his sister was of no help at all. Actually their were rows over his care as the 2 siblings disagreed.

ssd Fri 21-Jun-13 14:16:15

allnew, you're wrong, you may be hundreds of miles away but if you phone regularly, keep in touch and have a real interest in whats happening, your emotional support would be invaluable, even if physically you couldnt be there

allnewtaketwo Fri 21-Jun-13 15:14:21

But you're assum

allnewtaketwo Fri 21-Jun-13 15:15:06

Assuming that siblings have a relationship such that they emotionally support one another. That's very often not the case at all

ssd Sat 22-Jun-13 19:08:16

dont I know it

DamnDeDoubtance Sun 23-Jun-13 18:36:20

sorry to hear about your mum.

Dh and I cared for his dad when he died at home, where he wanted to be and now we are caring for his mum. Dhs sister was worse than useless when her dad was dying, she just made a horrible situation worse. I have a lovely brother but whenever my parents need help its me that helps, not him.

At least being an only you don't have a sibling who is a negative force in the situation.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now