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Elderly parents

Reclusive mum

4 replies

lucysnowe · 25/01/2013 09:57

Not sure what to do about this really... just want to rant. Mum has been a recluse for about 15 years or so. She used to come out once or twice a year to visit us (voluntarily) but that has stopped now. My Nan lives less than a mile down the road but she hasn't seen her in about three years. When I think about it I realise what a crazy situation it is, we've just become used to it over the years.

She also has arthritis which obviously causes her a lot of discomfort but she doesn't do anything about it. She is quite happy though, and so is my Dad; the issue is that he is in his early eighties and has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. At the moment he is pretty much her carer but that will no doubt have to change when he gets older. But mum is sooo stubborn and refuses to see that anything's a problem.

Does anyone else have a reclusive parent? How do you cope with it?

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chunops · 25/01/2013 19:41

Bless them both it really can't be easy for them equally so very frustrating and upsetting for you also it may be that you could get your mums gp to make a home visit.

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lucysnowe · 26/01/2013 08:34

Thanks chunops for the reply :-) I doubt she would go for that but I could try. I feel sorry for my dad being a carer at his age - she is rather younger too. She is obsessed with my nan's heqkth but not hers ...

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CleopatrasAsp · 27/01/2013 15:31

It's so hard but sometimes we just have to accept that people make their own decisions - even if we feel they are the wrong ones. Your mum is an adult and chooses to live like this, so does your dad, it's sad but it's life. Sometimes they have to have a minor crisis in order for them to seek outside help unfortunately. Until that happens there's not a lot you can do if they won't co-operate.

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lucysnowe · 28/01/2013 13:44

Cleo, that makes me feel better for not doing anything. My dad is not happy with the situation really though - I said he was happy and he is comfortable, but he does want her to get help. But she is absolutely stubborn and refuses to discuss it. I think she is agoraphobic but this never gets tested, IYSWIM?