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How responsible do you feel for telling others about a parents dementia ?

(2 Posts)
CMOTDibbler Fri 27-Jul-12 10:19:10

Bit of an odd one I suppose. My mum has a form of dementia that has affected her speech, understanding things said to her, and planning (so things like cooking where you have to sequence v hard), and more recently her memory. She says inappropriate things, and is v bad socially as she doesn't have social norms now.

This is difficult for others to understand, and my dad isn't coping with it terribly well, but they are managing (just) atm. But its causing problems as her friends don't take account of her needs - like they are having a potluck lunch next week, she got assigned a salad (possibly, all she could say was that it wasn't sweet), but can't cook anymore, and is distressed as she knows she needs to do something, but doesn't know what or how to make that happen.

I'm thinking of contacting one of her friends and asking if they could make sure dad is told anything, and remind them that she is really quite impaired now. But is this overstepping the mark ?

And I feel like I should speak to her brother who hasn't seen her for 7 years or so, in order that he could see her before she stops talking at all - I expect this will happen in the next year as she is down to only 2 or 3 minutes, most of which is rubbish.

AMumInScotland Fri 27-Jul-12 10:37:14

I think if your dad doesn't seem able to deal with this, then it's ok for you to step in and make sure they have the necessary information. But it would be polite to let your dad know you're going to do this so he doesn't feel "left out of the loop" which might make him feel even less able to cope than he is already.

Sympathy - its a horrible thing to have to see your loved ones go through sad

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